What I Got Today

Today I thought I would write a little about some of the mail that makes it here, mail my server doesn't consider to be junk mail, but about which I have doubts. The first is from Donald Trump. Donald even has a video in his E mail that says he is sending me an invitation to enroll in Trump University, which I gather from the sales pitch Donald gives and the text explain how say it is to be a rich tycoon like Donald if I enroll, for just $39.00. Donald says some of the great business teachers and some of his business friends will let me log on to the Trump on line site and learn all about how to be a real estate magnate.
There are hundreds of similar real estate get rich quick courses like Donald's, so I declined and will live as a poor, unenlightened one. I figure if all those course are making all those billionaires it might just be better to stay in my modest condition.
Another one that wasn't blocked today was an announcement from someone I do not know that says there will be two moons on August 27th. Well, not actually two moons. It seems that Mars will come so close to earth on that day that it will look just like the moon. Gee, I am glad to have the opportunity to see two moons and am grateful Mars won't come so close it will collide, but does that event warrant a whole E mail?
I got offers in the mail today for a "New Dolphin Screen Saver " (which I am certain will swim with spy ware to destroy my computer if I install it), a CD offer from a "master gardener" who reveals common lawn mistakes (I don't fool with my lawn and it doesn't fool with me. Forget that offer), offers to buy penny stocks that were only revealed to me something that said "Hi Fernando" (I guess the content was erased by my server because it was empty), A "special letter for women only" (who told that sender I had my sex change operation last night?) that offers to sell to me a CD revealing the ten most dangerous mistakes I make with "men" (Oh, maybe I didn't have a sex change, I just prefer men now?), and something in German that is called 'Fun Mail'. That one is a regular entry I will probably never be able to get rid of.
Next came Britney Spear's latest odd look pictures. A friend thought I should see those Harper Bazaar magazine pictures, but it only made me wonder why? Why is the media and the public fixated on celebrities. That awful creature Angelina Jolie was bad enough, but who cares about Britney? I think people who want to look at those kinds of photos are the same ones who stop to look at the carnage of an automobile accident they pass on the road- you know..they like to see the grotesque.
Mind you, these mailings all came in a single day. I have concluded that the reason they get through and your sometimes don't is that your mail is not weird enough. My server is killing it because it needs more excitement. So please include a penis enlargement offer next time you E mail. Or perhaps sell em a diet program that will make me slender in a week, one of those "Hollywood Diets".
I am certain if you include the appropriate junk in your next mail I will both receive your mail and become a better man as well.