What Men Are Worth

Did you see the provocative remarks from Salary.com that calculated the wages that WOULD have been paid a stay at home mom in 2007 if she were compensated for all the elements of her "job"? Supposedly, that woman would be paid $38,095 for her services. Salary.com used a calculation based on 10 jobs that moms do for the family in an average day, things like housekeeping, day care teacher, cook, computer operator etc..
Of course, this is not science. It's really silliness, in that one can not compute such things and turn them into a money figure that defines the value of their work. For example, would not the housewife do these things anyway, simply because they relate to her own personal needs and likes and we do not expect to be paid for doing things for ourselves? And taking care of one's child is not a service for which we are a paid, it is done out of love and self interest, and completely opposite of someone taking care of another person's child as a job.
When we cook something we want to eat ourselves, is that the same as being a cook hired to feed strangers? Of course not. And I wonder if the male househusband is also worth $138,000 for his at home services. Haha I know I am not worth more than a few dollars, even though I do all the things any housewife does. I cook, clean, take care of my child, pay bills, fix things that are broken etc..Why wasn't there a calculation by Salary.com for male services? A case can be made that when one computes the salary a male earns at work and the many activities he undertakes at home or away from work, the total would be in excess of the $138,095 figure that housewives supposedly earn but are not paid.
So I have to challenge that $138,095 claim and defend the once against slandered male. It's bad enough we are inferior to you ladies, but to claim that you are cheated out of "housewife wages" is just too much to take. In answer, here are some unpaid wages we males earn as househusbands or boyfriends to our ladies.
* Interpreting female language- This one is baffling to we males. When women speak and say things like "it doesn't matter", "fine" and other open-ended phrases we have to work our brains to not step on the land mines they are setting for us. If a woman tells me something I said earlier that upset her has been forgotten and it is "fine" now, I know I am in trouble for life. Men have to spend a great deal of valuable time translating what women say into what they mean. What is the price for this male task? It is PRICELESS
* Leaving the toilet seat down- Males spend a lot of their valuable time putting the seat back down after urinating. Do women appreciate this labor? I think not. Instead, they scold us for those few times we pee on the seat and leave it in a dripping upright position. I think if women would just let us leave the seats up some male would have already had the time to find a cure for cancer. The economic impact of this seat lowering business is devastating to the average male.
* mall walking- You know what I mean. You women make us walk endless hours at shopping males while you "browse" for things you "need" (like the 20th pair of shoes you buy) and use our credit cards to pay for the stuff. The walking itself when we could be using our time more productively (Maybe watch a football game instead) is a costly service we give that is unpaid.
* remote control clicking service- Face it! We are the masters of using a TV remote control. We spend countless hours clicking for you to find your favorite shows (usually male horrors like shopping channel special sales). I think we should be paid both a clicking fee and a fee for sitting on the couch nest to you and pretending to like what you watch.
* jealousy fee- If a man merely mentions another woman's name there can be dire consequences to him. The woman will accuse the innocent male of being unfaithful or insensitive to her, and the male must buy the woman flowers, and other gifts to compensate for it and calm her down. This is a big expense to the unpaid male!
* listening to her- Admit it, men are expected to spend a great deal of their unpaid time listening to women talk....about everything, especially gossip. We could better utilize our time in other activities drinking beer with the guys or playing sports.
* can you do that for me- Every male has horror stories about their women asking them to do things for them that the women themselves are fully capable of but are too lazy to do. "Can you bring me my make-up mirror? I left it in the car" "I think we should paint the den blue tomorrow. Why don't you do that while I relax and unwind from this headache you gave me yesterday." I think there are few things in life more frightening to men than the female "can you" line. Though we gladly do all of the female "can you jobs", we never get paid for it.
Ok, that's enough for my theory today. What do you think? Are males worth as much as those unpaid females?
Uh...after writing this stupidity today maybe I should instead ask, "Is my life now completely worthless to you"?