He's Not Cultured

I figured out the other day that I am not as cultured as most people. Hehe I know you already knew that, but it was a revelation to me. I always had my doubts about my breeding because in the big three cultural areas- art, music and literature I am falling short. I think I am well read and cultured as far as the literary scene, but I am doofus when it comes to art and music. Two out of three is bad...Let me explain.
Take art....please.....take it because I just don't understand or appreciate it like most "cultured people do. And I can not create any art either, unless you think my stick man drawings are worthy of the Louve? Good art is supposed to be easy to understand, but it is not for me. When I am in a museum and look at paintings or sculpture I don't know what is good better or best. Why if you asked me to choose between an acknowledged great picture or a Dollar Store special I would probably see the Dollar store version as better. When read I can inject into the work something, feel something that the writer did not intend but that he or she awakens in me. But when I look at art works I am clue less beyond the visceral image of the painting. Truth be told, I prefer to see those Disney cartoon frames to a Monet painting. You think I am a lost cause? But at least I don't see as worthy the trash that some artists produce, the unintelligible works that people feel obliged to see as "insightful" or "breaking new ground". I remember one of those that caused a stir here. It was a sculpture of Christ covered in feces and urine. Ugh! Is that art? Well, a lot of people said it was a brilliant work. I just hope Disney doesn't cover Mickey Mouse or Nemo with that.
Now that I have confessed to being an art idiot it is time to tell you I hate opera and never seem to get all I should out of a classical music concert. Yes, in this second musical area of my cultural blankness I am even more lost. I do not attend the opera, don't not understand it, do not want to and feel my life would not be a bit better if I did. Why do those fat men and women yell their tunes that way? Maybe they are just hungry and asking for a sandwich. I sure wish they would stop the screaming.
I do attend classical concerts occasionally. In fact, I like some classical music and was educated in it as a child. But I do not seem to get anything out of the symphonies except the music...er.....I mean I don't interpret it the way I interpret literature. It is just sound to me, as a good Beatle song is sound and not anything ennobling to my soul. The music is nice to hear. I have my favorites (Strauss, Tchaikovsky and some others) but when I am at a concert I often lose my attention and start to look at the beautiful ladies in the oboe section or the hot babe being intimate with her cello (Well, I told you I "ain't got no" culture).
Another thing that may be a small excuse my lack of art and music culture is that the music and great works never change. Why is it that there are so few new classical tunes or pieces of art that the cultured crowd admires. They always listen and look at the same ones. Shouldn't those things be open to the new? How many times does a classical concert play the same music over and over? Probably almost every time.
Well, I think there is no redemption for me in art and music. I like my uncouth state and desire not to be a cultural snob anyway. Hmmmmmmmmmm I should have downloaded a classical piece to end this diatribe. Maybe Gustov Mahler's funeral dirge from 'Resurrection' would be an appropriate way to show my cultural death.