Dancing Jane

Jane was asked by a boy in school to the school homecoming dance the other day. My baby is out of diapers and eyeing boys now. Sigh....this is the end of innocence for her as she discovers the
inferior side of humans- males. Hehe Anyway, when she mentioned to me that a boy asked her to that dance I said, "Good, but is he a good boy. You don't need trash in your life (Hehe I am not too subtle). " No, she said. He even holds the door open for me." Hmmmmmmmmmmm A polite male? This is odd. I better keep my eye on that kid. Hehe Actually, the is a 9th grader Jane knows from Science Olympiad and is a bit too shy tocause me much worry. Too, I have complete faith in Jane to choose people with character to associate with. Thus far, she has always chosen her friends wisely.
I suppose this is the start of a new phase for Jane, though she is still very much a child in some areas. Most of the kids in her class have not had a "boyfriend" or "girlfriend", as they are an innocent group. I think that Jane is still a couple of years away from that stage and I hope she keeps her child-like innocence as long as possible.
I remember when I was about 12 years old. The school class had a Halloween party one night and the boys and girls didn't know what to do with each other. Hehe One side of the room had mostly boys, the other girls. Finally, the parent of the girl who gave the party brought a hat
with names for each boy to draw. To my non dancing self I was in horror. We drew names to see which girl we would dance with at the party. I still remember the name of that girl who was unlucky enough to have me draw her name (she probably fled the country in disgrace after that dance). Her name was Gloria and she was one of the "hot" 12 year olds in the class. Gloria could dance. I could not (nor can I today, I hate it). She smiled and bore my butcher like dance moves and I survived 3 minutes of Hell on the dance floor. God! I am so glad to not have to relive that
stage in life.
At any rate, Jane is now at the age when she confides more in her mom than her dad. Girls want a woman's perspective about the nature of those awful boys they must face every day. It is a relief for me (and for every other male) that Jane's mom can go on full-time "boy" duty instead of me. I will stand on the side and observe this adolescent phase of boy/girl relations and be available for Jane if she needs my advice or help.
I think adolescence may be the single most conflicting period in our lives. The person is asked to make adult choices without being equipped with experience or the confidence to do so. As a result, most teens make many bad choices before learning either to make the right ones or..to continue to make the wrong ones (Paris Hilton, anyone?) for the rest of their lives. Ironically, kids at that age need a great deal of attention but tend to pull away into their own teen world. No wonder parents can be so exasperated during that time of their child's life.
Most of the time the kids that do well in adolescence are usually the ones who have had a close and loving relationship with the parent during the pre-teen years. Those kids confide more to the parents and trust them to help with the usual teen age conflicts. It always amazes me how
some parents are baffled that their teen age child is aloof and difficult. Most of the time it is because the parent was too selfish and concerned with his or her own time and pleasures and failed to devote him or herself to the child when he or she was in the pre teen years. I am convinced that the key to being a good parent is to be selfless and devote oneself to the child. In the long run it makes parenting much easier during the troubled teen years.