Talking Turkey

Hey! It's Thanksgiving time so I decided not "to be a turkey", an "Old Turkey" or even do the "Turkey Trot" by showing I am a "pea turkey" when it comes to cell phones and other technology that make me "talk turkey" about my hated for them. So today I am going "cold turkey" and not going to make cell phones a "turkey shoot" in this E mail.
Ok, maybe you need a translation of my first paragraph. But it's Thanksgiving time and those phrases are all real ones in English. Some are used commonly and some not, but they are but one contribution the noble turkey has give to the English language. Here is a quick translation for any "turkeys" who don't know turkey vernacular:
"He's a turkey"- means the person is a loser, hapless
"Old Turkey"- It means someone old who is weak and helpless.
"Never said pea turkey"- or you don't know the first thing about something
"Talking turkey"- to talk honestly or frankly....to get down to business
"Cold Turkey"- meaning to stop an addiction suddenly and completely
"That's a turkey shoot"- something easy to do
"Turkey trot"- a dance named for the jerky steps a turkey makes when it walks
So now you can tell what I wrote and ...err....why I am a turkey sometimes.
One woman in New York is giving thanks this Thanksgiving to the church. Not because it did anything to save her soul, but rather because it may save her financial worries for a longggg time into the future. You see, the unidentified estranged wife of a pastor claims her husband blended his professional and personal finances so thoroughly that his church should be counted as an asset in their divorce.
Yep! She wants the church to pay her money for getting a divorce. And making her request even more unbelievable is the fact that the judge in the divorce case agreed to hear arguments on the claim, and he ordered a financial appraisal of the church. Lawyers said it could represent the first time anyone in New York state has tried to treat a religious institution as a marital asset. Nothing is more greedy than a scorned spouse who sees the money. I think that lady would sue God if he/she ever physically revealed him/herself.
The wife argues that her husband of 31 years used his Brooklyn church as a "personal piggy bank," setting his own income, spending the congregation's tithes as he pleased and running a catering business from the building. Further, she claims that $50,000 of the couple's money went into starting the church, and that the church property is partly hers. "That church is no different than any other business he might have opened," said the wife's lawyer in her defense. The pastor maintains he is simply a church employee, and the institution's funds should not be considered his. "My client can't own the church," said the minister's lawyer. I think both of them will probably rot in both earth and Hell.