Shopping Need

I think I finally understand the rationale for the shopping compulsion of women. You know, the reason men hate to shop and women must shop. It's because we men just don't have much to wear, no make-up to put on, no one to impress with our clothes. While women are expected (by other women who make them) to buy, own and wear an endless list of garments.
Unlike men, women are expected to wear, panties, bras and nursing bras, stockings, slips and half slips, anklets, nightgowns, negligees, body stockings (imagine me in one of those..ugh), blouses, halter tops, in skirts, pant suits, culottes, capris, hot pants, evening gowns, high heels, sun dresses, brooches, necklaces, lockets, bracelets, ankle bracelets.....it goes on.... but being a man I am not even aware of the endless list of must wear items women have, but we men don't. Though women are smarter, prettier, wiser, kinder, just better than men, I am glad to be a man because I don't have to shop or wear all of that mess. Women sacrifice themselves for men and we don't even offer our credit cards for them to shop so they can be uncomfortable in their fashion while we sit around with pot bellies hanging over our dirty shorts, scratching our private parts in full view (of course I never scratch. You believe that?).
I think the female obsession with clothing and other wear items stems from two motivations. Please correct me if I am wrong, as being a man I am not as smart as the superior female and need direction. But isn't it true that women do all of this shopping and wearing to impress other women and because wearing those things often leads to romance, love and marriage to one of we inferior male creatures.
I often wonder why women don't just marry other women and forget men. Are we worth the torture you go through to capture one of us? Maybe all women should be lesbians. They would be happier and men would be forced to reevaluate themselves and do a make-over. Why we men might even start to like to shop and start looking attractive too. It's a thought, but then I doubt I could stand the shopping time at the malls....
From the Weird Crime Story department comes news of the case of the clean house. I'm not kidding. Debbie Phillips of Charleston, West Virginia reported that her house had been broken into and cleaned by someone. She swore to police and community leaders, anyone who would listen, that her home wasn't the same when she came home and saw it shinning clean. But police didn't take her seriously.
She tried to report the crime to police but Debbie said the officer she spoke with just laughed at her. When Dirty Debbie went to the president of the County School Board and told them also they just looked at her and nodded patronizingly. Debbie said everyone from her husband to her neighbors denied cleaning the place. She didn't think anything had been stolen but she wasn't quite sure of anything except the house was too clean for her liking.
But the case of the mystery cleaner was eventually solved. It seems that Debbie's neighbor across the street had hired a cleaning service to clean her house. Since the neighbor and Dirty Debbie have similar house numbers and nearly the same spot to hide the house key for service callers the cleaners just came to the wrong address to clean.
Rumors have it Dirty Debbie is frantically restoring her home to the mess she loves.