Tossing Them Away

Every time I see one of the cell phone addicts act rudely with his or her phone I just can't help wishing they would drop their phone and break it into a hundred pieces. And guess what! The people of Finland, a cultured and polite people by most accounts, have a better idea. It's the Mobile Phone Throwing World Championship, held every year since 2000 in Saavoninna.
This is a little confusing, given that the cell phone is a Finish invention, from Nokia. I always felt a little resentment toward Finland fro giving the world cell phones. The apocalypse must have begun when those things were invented. But Finland is redeeming itself in my eyes. They are throwing their cell phones in Finland and breaking them into pieces! I am excited. The world may yet be saved (Right now I am cheering and doing a back flip in glee).
The contest consists of entrants hurling the phones as far as they possibly can. There are traditional "over the shoulder" distance throws. And last year a Freestyle category was added. Aesthetics, style and creative choreographics and Naomi Campbell imitations are judged. If we could only throw Naomi and her phone at the same time I would surely fly to Finland next year to be a contestant.
This year the winner was Lassi Etelatalo, a Finnish javelin thrower, that lobbed his Nokia to victory at a distance of 89m. Interestingly, competitors could pick any phone they wanted, thus introducing another component into the competition. Would a flip-phone travel further than a candy bar phone? A heavier phone? Should you unfold the flip phone? Maybe a PDA phone? I would love to see one of those expensive 1 phones hurled into nothingness. Unfortunately all phones used in the contest are recycled and first prize is............ a new cell.
I like that contest, think it should be every nation's national sport, and have soothing images in my small brain when thinking of the idea of tossing those little devils around. Therefore, I propose that here in the U.S. and in all other countries who wish to declare themselves newly mannered and polite domains, that we hold a similar competition. But instead of meeting once a year to toss old phones, we can fling any person's offending cell phone the moment it bothers us at any time during the contest year. Yes, when that loud cell gabber screams into her phone at the grocery , asking her husband which loaf of bread to buy, grab her phone and toss it across the bread aisle. Then the cell offender can go home and ask hubby IN PRIVATE which cell phone to buy as a replacement. It will be up to the government of each country to legislate cell manufacturing to include the provision that all cell phones made MUST be breakable on impact after being flung.
I might have as sore arm from all the tosses if this happens. But a little pain to rid civilization of its greatest menace since the Bubonic Plague is not too much to ask. And don't worry about identifying the winner of this kind of cell toss.... We can assume each toss will be duly recorded by an objective bystander. He will take a picture of it using his camera phone, no doubt.