Those Message Boards

Every once in awhile, perhaps once a month, I like to look at my server home page message boards. They are quite revealing as to the tenor of the age and can be amusing as well. I also find some creative and intelligent expressions there. They are welcome, but as you might suspect I most enjoy the offbeat. Anyway, here are a few of the messages I found five today that might also pique your attention. Here they are.
1) Can someone tell me- That was the title of the short statement in the first message on the board. It said, " I will be in search of a "TRUE" woman this new year,,,, I have been single for to long now, and I want to settle down and enjoy the rest of my life with a true woman. So....are there any suggestions for finding a true woman?" Well, I just had to give a reply to his question. So I wrote, " I don't know where a TRUE woman is, but if you find her, send me her sister."
2) Did ya'll read- I had to mention this one because it involves the food of the Gods- donuts! a fellow named 'mister fix' wrote regarding the death of the founder of Dunkin Donuts, "About the passing of the Dunkin Donut man? Now who's gonna make the donuts???" No that guy is on to something important.
3) Women Going Bald- Haha You think I a kidding about that one. But some woman posted a message about her on-going baldness. In this message another baldie said she had been losing her hair since age 35. It all makes me want to ask if you too are a secretly a baldie..never mind..I'll just use my imagination.
4) Message for Idiots- This one was meant for me! Not only am I am idiot, but I can't resist replying to this kind of posting. This one ranted and raved about nearly everything in his post, particularly that "we are idiots compared to God". Anyway, it was a rather overt insults to idiots to me., So I posted my reply to him. " If we are idiots, how are we supposed to understand what you wrote."
5) Klutz- Guess who the klutz is in the posting by someone called 'rsteng'. Who else but George Bush. He was mentioning the news conference that Bush tried to escape in Beijing a week ago, in which reporters asked questions Bush didn't know how to answer. he tries to escape by a back door that was locked. Haha Bush furiously tried to get out anyway. As the post says, "For those of you keeping score Bush has recently fallen off a Segway scooter, slammed his head on Marine One , dropped his dog, desecrated a flag, choked on a pretzel, asked for a potty break, not to mention being violated by a turkey and outwitted by an umbrella".
Haha I like that writer's style. You think those are strange? Try looking in a pipe, sewer or toilet drain. I write that not because I think you will look but because Roto-Rooter, the biggest drain cleaning company in the U.S. recently mentioned some of the oddities they found. In a survey of their field technicians across the U.S. and Canada Roto Rooter has compiled a list of some of a pipes worst nightmares. And the top five are.....
1) In Vicksburg, Mississippi a crew excavating a sewer line dug up alive Civil War cannon shell, believed to be left over from General U.S. Grant's 1863 siege of the city.
2) In Greensboro, North Carolina one service man rescued a cat from a storm sewer.
3) In Bloomington, Indiana on a toilet repair call, the service tech found that a 3 year old child had apparently been trying to train his G.I. Joe for deep water rescues- in the toilet, When G.I. Joe didn't return from his missions the kid began sending matchbox cars after them. The service tech rescued a total of fifteen toys from the toilet before flushing his hands of the whole thing.
4) In Hamilton, Ontario, Canada one Roto-Rooter plumber answered a call from police to recover drugs and cash that a suspect had flushed down a toilet as police arrived at the home front door.
5) In Sacramento, California plumbers located a number of empty miniature liquor bottles at a business where sinks and toilets were overflowing. It seems that an a employee was sneaking drinks at work and then flushing the evidence.
I know....I'll say it for you. My E mail today stinks more than any of this nonsense I wrote about.
I tho