More Spray, Please

I may have found away for the impossible to happen. That is, for me to eat such, healthy but awful tasting treats as tofu. I know my stomach turns and I am nauseated by the sight of tofu and other similar foods I just can't imagine ingesting. But now there is a remedy for my reluctance to eat foods I find awful tasting. The cure is to spritz the tofu, spray it with the latest invention for little children like me who won't eat healthy but bland tasting foods.
Unilever Inc. has started selling spray stains to make bad tasting food taste like familiar yummy fare. So I can eat tofu but think I am having a plump cream filled donut. All I need do now is point, spray, and swallow. The first spray Unilever sold was the widely popular "It's Not Butter" spray. That has led to the 'Salad Spritzers' that put a no cal spray dressing on salads that makes the salad eater think he or she is eating a salad overflowing with fatty dressing
But wait! Now the good news for me and other lovers of those bad foods we are warned will kill us. There are new flavors of spray that can turn disgusting tofu into delicious snacks. There is a maple syrup spray, and even a birthday cake spray (I may skip the tofu altogether and just spray continually inside my mouth). A total of 150 spray on foods have hit the market the last two years. The sprays do one of two things.
1) Add flavor- The most prominent one is 'Flavor Spray'. It was designed for dieters and come sin 2 ounce spray cans, for $5.95 per can. Flavors vary from the biggest seller, butter, to things like soft drinks and honeysuckle.
2) Disguise flavors- This is what I need if you serve me tofu. Just like those little brats who won't eat their veggies, I am a big brat when it comes to some "healthy foods". These sprays will take away all the familiar flavors that we kids won't eat! There is even a candy spray that is supposed to come out soon for parents to spray on their kids veggies..... and hold on to your mouse!! There is soon to be released a 'Gourmet Spray' that targets pet owners who kitty or puppy doesn't want to eat that dog food anymore (I also doubt any self respecting dog would eat tofu). The $4.99 Gourmet comes in pet delicious sprays that are flavored in beef, pork and seafood. The company selling ti claims it "Makes dry pet food smell good enough to eat". Sigh..I doubt if it would make me eat that tofu, even if it were sprayed on it twice.
Guess what Japan is most lacking? No, no..It's not anything technological. They are the best at producing all sorts of gadgets. According to the japan Family Planning Association, a survey of 936 people between the ages of 16 and 49 showed that what the Japanese need most is sex. "Japanese people aren't having sex, " said the director of the Association, Dr. Kunio Kitamura. "As much as subsidies and welfare programs are important to people, sexlessness is also a critical issue in this problem." To prove Dr Kunio's proposition that Japan is not sexually active enough he cites that the fertility rate in Japan now is only 1.25 kids per family while a rate of 2.1 is needed to prevent a population decline.
Too, Japan is ranked last among 41 nations in a poll last year of married couples asking how often they had sex. The global average is 103 times, and Japan's is only 45 (Hmmmmm maybe they are playing with their gadgets instead).
Well, maybe those clever Japanese researchers could invent one of those sprays that makes the human body tasty enough to stir more interest in sex.