Have you ever watched one of those female beauty pageants? I think beauty pageants aren't really as terminally ill as some think. In the U.S. they used to be wildly popular, but the age of women's liberation has put a damper on them and they are not often shown in the media. But recently I stumbled onto the TV telecast of Miss Universe pageant, and I am now going to report on that one a little...sorry.
Hehe I didn't know that pageant was even being held as I turned on my TV (which I watch rarely) to see my local news telecast the other day. But the news was delayed that night, as the Miss Universe pageant bumped it thirty minutes later than normal. This gave me the opportunity to watch the pageant for the final thirty minutes and I was entertained by it. When I arrived the number of contestants was being whittled from a final 15 to 5. Next they would be asked the usual silly questions (for example...."How would you change the world"? or "What kind of tree would you like to be"?) that would determine the winner. The 15 ladies were dressed in their swimsuits when I turned on the TV. They all looked great, but I thought Miss Japan was stunning and the best choice.
In the end, Miss Japan finished as the runner-up to the winner, Miss Puerto Rico. My 30 minutes made me think (I know. I think too much) about what I had seen. Here are some observations on this and about all beauty contests.
1) Why is the announcer of the contest always a gay male? The Miss Universe had a a co-host, a man (I can't remember his name) who was openly gay, announcing at one point that "Miss Paraguay is so lovely I may switch", and swishing and lisping comments that seemed to be more reflective of his jealousy of the girls than any lust (Yes, I was just lusting as I watched) he felt toward them.
2) The judges are always has-been celebrities and media hounds. Donald Trump was one of the judges in this Miss Universe contest. I think he was more concerned about his own hair remaining coifed than about which of the ladies to choose as winner. There were also the usual array of star wanna-be judges and the gay host did his best to promote each. How can those judges pick a winner when they are so self absorbed at promoting themselves?
3) The best never win. I have never seen one of these beauty pageants when the local lady isn't in the finals or wins. No matter how awful she looks and acts, being the local lady is a sure path to success in these contests. I can understand that mentality though. TV sponsors pay huge fees to televise the contest and want local viewers to watch. If Miss U.S.A, for example, isn't in the final 15 and the contest is held in the U.S. many Americans just won't watch.
4) Artificial is still in style. I could tell more than few of the ladies had boob jobs and some appeared to have facial cosmetic procedures too. Hmmmm That's why I like the transsexual pageants best. All the She's who were He's before the pageant have transformed themselves into gorgeous and irresistible sexual objects. And none pretend they are natural. I think few of the Miss Universe contestants I saw were free of cosmetic enhancements. In a strange way some looked more artificial than the He/She's do.
5) The nutty Islamic or feminist protester always gets a minute of publicity at these pageants, as they slam beauty contests as being "obscene". This years craziest protest came form Indonesia where a militant Islamic group (as usual) filed a police report in Jakarta against the Miss Indonesia representative in this pageant, accusing her of indecency for displaying her body in a swimsuit. Sigh..I think those crazy Islamic protesters are the ones who look indecent, in their hoods and veils. Miss Indonesia was sexy and attractive. Unfortunately, she is also of mixed Indonesian-German parentage (half infidel), and fundamentalist Islamics hate that. As for the feminists style protest, I think the feminist ladies forgot their bras this year. They failed to burn any of them in protest.
6) Forget the claim by pageant organizers that Miss Universe is selected based on her brains, personality and beauty. It's all about looks. The sexiest lady wins, a regular cattle auction of ladies. The half-starved contestants take their walks in swimsuits after being chiseled to perfection in the months prior to the contest. The teeth have been whitened (Well, buyers do inspect the teeth of cattle before purchasing them too), the cellulite scraped off, the lips injected to show a sexy pout, and silicone used to sculpture their heavenly bodies. Ha! Who cares which contestant has a Ph.D. or has completed even one selfless act back home. T and A rules (Hehe And we men like it that way).
7) These pageants do highlight the different view of male and female by society. Essentially, beauty pageants send the painful message that ladies should brutalize themselves to "look good" for men, and men are to be accepted as they are. It implies that women must constantly transform themselves to be prettier while men need not.
8) Nationalism is as big apart of the Miss Universe pageant, as it is in World Cup soccer where fans feel compelled to root for whomever represents "my city, state or county". That mindless nationalism of the soccer fans may even pale to what I saw in the Miss Universe contest. The audience waved flags for "their girl" booed or were deafeningly silent for competitors from other nations and seem to believe the contest was both real and important to their nation. Ha! Most of the time I ignore nationality and root for the lady who is least cosmetically enhanced. Whether she be from Pakistan, Cuba or Timbuktu matters not. I am not going to cheer for a siliconed breasted U.S. contest because it is "a duty" to support fake U.S. boobs.
9) All the ladies were the same, in that hey looked and acted the same. Maybe they were clones. I longed to see a tranny, a girl with a slight pudge in the belly, one who didn't have a smile ironed on the whole time, maybe one clever enough to parade the stage without make-up or other enhancements. You know...I wanted to see a real person, not an enhanced male ideal of beauty. Heck! If I were a judge and one of the ladies belched or farted I would select her as the winner. Give me something reallllllllllllllllll.
10) Does any winner of those pageants ever aspire to be anything other than an actress or model? The message the lovely ladies give is that "I must use my body now and in the future" if I am to be successful. Not too many nuclear physicists emerge from those contests.
Well, I guess I am out of comments about the beauty contest scene, and it's your turn to speak about them. Just be grateful that when my mail comes to your box I am not parading in a bikini with it...
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