A Queen For The U.S.

Queen Elizabeth landed on our shores here in the U.S. and made a rare but engaging visit. This has gotten me to thinking about the concept of a Queen in this modern age of mankind. The decline of the British Empire, well, it isn't an empire anymore, just a small Island with a declining culture and economy, but it is still endearing to everyone for the abstractions it presents, including the notion of a queen in the year 2007.
Queens like Elizabeth have a great job. They get to travel and are wined and dined with the finest of comforts surrounding them. And they have no real responsibilities apart from presenting a "royal image". The Queen is loved by Brits and by many others in the world. I remember a few years ago when a poll was conducted in the U.S. Almost 80% of Americans had a favorable impression of the British monarch.
Hmmmmm Maybe we should have a queen here in the U.S.? It might relieve the agony of the idiots we elect, the George Bush's and the rest of them. So I was thinking today about who should be our queen. I think it should be a celebrity because celebrities really aren't important beyond the image they present to us. They entertain us, just as a Queen represents the people by acting regal. There is no need to select anyone of real importance for the job.
Yep! You guessed it. I have some names of candidates I think should be appointed as our first U.S. Queen. Here they are.
* Paris Hilton- She is the first candidate to come to my mind because Paris needs work. Just think how great it would be for the world's leading play girl to have a meaningful role in life. Instead of sex tapes, DWI arrests and drunken party appearances as Queen of Hype, Paris can be Queen of the U.S. Oh...wait...Paris has that felony record in her background. Let's eliminate her from the list.
* Glen Close- The actress who played the film version of Queen Elizabeth I would be perfect. Glen already knows how to be a queen, having been one in film. And an actress is perfect as a queen since most of the job of "queening" is to put on a show.
* Robin Williams- I know he is male. But Robin played Mrs. Doubtfire in a movie and looked a whole lot like Queen Elizabeth when he wore that dress in the film. We just have to get Robin to become a full time transvestite, keep him in address and he is perfect. He sure would be a funny queen that everyone could enjoy.
* Britney Spears- Britney needs work. Her career is in the dumps since her odd behavior started taking over. I am sure we can give Britney a wig, keep her sober and let her be queen. The only problem I see is the K Fed element. No way do I want K Fed to be my king.
* Hillary Clinton- I support Hillary for Queen because I don't want her as president. Maybe if we offered hear throne she would drop out of the running for the presidency. This queen role could be great for getting rid of politicians. Heck! If Bush would step down now and become Queen we would all be better off for it too.
* Angelina Jolie- Yes, I know she is a loose woman, full of tattoos and a little crazy, but Angelina has many fans who admire her. Only problem I see is that the Queen's mansion would be filled with hundreds of babies kidnapped...err...adopted by Queen Angelina. It might be a little confusing for we subjects to know which ones she "saved" and which are just visiting.
* Sheryl Crowe- Sheryl could be the "Global warm Queen" of the U.S. since she is enamored with that trendy theory. Instead of singing "Soaking in the Sun", Sheryl could re write it to "Blotting out the sun". Yes, that would be the music to accompany her queenly appearances in which she tells us the way to stop Global Warming, "Even the Queen uses only one square to wipe". Oh, my..we could have a queen and save the environment too.
So what do you think about my idea an candidates? Am I a lost man searching for his queen or just a nut with another stupid observation. Never mind! I know the answer.