Charge of the Cell Brigade

I had cell phone shock today. That is the cell phone abusers shocked be (again) with their rude behavior. I happened to be shopping in a store, minding my own business, not more than one minute in the store when it happened. I was surrounded by four chattering idiots (all of whom were female..hmmmmm...).
To loosely paraphrase the Tennyson poem (Charge of the Light Brigade) there were
"Cell addicts to the left of me,
Cell addicts to right off me,
Cells in front of me Volley'd
and thundered, Stormed at me in rudeness"
You get the idea. They were firing cannons of rudeness at me the whole while. I observed an anomaly, in that the four cell addicts represented 4 different types of the many kinds of cell abusers. They were:
1) "I don't care"- This one (who was to the left of me in that store) is oblivious to the world. The I don't care could be assaulted and would not give up his or her phone. Head down, intense look, and damn the world is what the I don't care is.
2) "I am a little embarrassed at my rudeness"- This one (in front of me in the store) chatters away, but in a low voice and with eyes shinning embarrassment as he or she converses through the phone. there is a look in the eye that says "Sorry for my rudeness. I can not stop myself."
3) "Can you hear me"- Maybe the most annoying of the four. This one shouts into her phone, either to let us know he or she is too important to be polite or because he or she is clue less about how obnoxious the behavior is. I could hear this woman's conversation 50 meters away. All of it was inconsequential talk, but she apparently could not bear to shop without the entertainment of her cell phone.
4) " I can't make a decision"- My God! I was subjected to a rambling monologue with this one. She could not make a decision about what to buy and just had to ask her husband (on the other end of the phone) whether to buy 2 packages or three and whether to also buy the thing at all. When she finally, reluctantly checked out her purchases she could be seen still debating her purchase with the other husband (who must either be an idiot or be the most patient husband in America). I was tempted to offer to buy her whatever she wanted if she would hang up and leave the store.
Ahhhhhhhhhhh Those cell addicts... I borrow from Tennyson again.
"Oh the wild charge they made!
All the store wondered.
No honor the charge they made,
Dishonor from the Cell Brigade.
Ignoble Cell Brigade."