Christmas decorations are a pleasant site to see. Take the gleaming Christmas lights, for instance. The lights at night radiating in many colors and designs. Why some people even play Christmas carols to accompany the lights.
On the whole I like 99.9 % of the Christmas holiday season. Buy what about the .1 % that I don't like? (thanks for asking). After numerous rumminations about the joys of my Christmas it's time to list the aspects of Christmas I do not like. Here is a quick list of some (just five, I am sparing you from my lengthier rants) of the things that make me want to say "Ho, Ho, NO"
1) Malls- Even during other months of the year, I barely tolerate shopping malls. But at Christmas time they are unbearable. Beginning about two weeks before Christmas Day the malls overflow, making it impossible for civilized people to find a parking spot, navigate the stores without being bumped and brutalized by frenzied shoppers looking for the last Bratz doll for their little one.... I say, boycott the malls at Christmas time. Give them all gift certificates or Aunt Mabel's 3 year old fruitcake that is in the back of your refrigerator...
2) Sales- The game of the merchants is to "sale" us to death, or it least to pretend they are giving us a "Christmas Sale". But wasn't that $30 CD on sale actually $25 a month before the Christmas sales started? And why must merchants determine that the morning after Thanksgiving Day, shoppers should flock to imaginary sales (mostly at those awful malls). The reality is that a week or so after Christmas real sales being, drastic price cuts, fewer crazed shoppers and plenty of parking spaces. Hmmmmmm Maybe we should postpone Christmas a week to take advantage of the real sales out there.
3) Egg nog- Yes, I uttered that word that some feel is the Christmas nectar of the Gods. But I won't touch the stuff. Egg nog reminds me of those veggie casseroles mom used to try to pass off as being as tasty as a chocolate bar. It isn't. I know egg nog is traditional. But sometimes traditional tastes bad. On balance, I would rather have an enema than drink a glass of egg nog!
4) Bad Christmas albums- I love Christmas music. There is so much of it that is good. But what about those Mariah Carey Christmas Albums? You know the type... A "star" figures it's easy to record Christmas songs and sell a few to make a quick profit and to look more humane in the process (Can anyone who records a Christmas album be a bad fellow?). But not every singer can sing those songs as they were intended to be sung. Do we really need Paris Hilton or William Shatner to hit the high notes on Silent Night?
5) Combining Christmas with other holidays- This one irks me. It is not uncommon today in the U.S. to be told that wishing someone a "Merry Christmas" is an insult. That's because the Muslim, Jewish, Atheist or God knows what (Oh.. am I allowed to say that without offending you?) see "Merry Christmas" as too Christian. "Happy Holidays" will be fine, but never "Merry Christmas". It isn't "inclusive enough" for it to be appropriate. I better stop here before I am labeled a Grinch. I would wish you a Merry Christmas, but we know that just isn't proper. Sigh.... at least I am not at the mall, shopping Christmas sales for bad Christmas albums while sipping yule egg nog.
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