Christmas On TV

Ho Ho Ho, Santa Jim here. As much as I love Christmas and like to see and read about it. I think we are reaching a TV overload on Christmas programming. There is so much to choose from one can develop anxiety about the holidays. But given that I rarely watch TV and don't see many of the shows I am going to write about now, perhaps I am being a grinch of one sort or another. I do like the option of seeing such uplifting and inspiring films series and specials about my favorite holiday, but I wonder how all of them get the audience size sponsors want when paying for them.
There is one prominent cable TV channel called 'The Family Channel' (the name sort of implies the other channels show programs unsuitable for the family) that, beginning December first and running through the whole month, shows nothing but Christmas related programming. For example, tonight The Family Channel will show two movies in prime time, "Christmas Do-Over" (in the film a man relieves Christmas Day over and over until he stops acting naughty not nice) and "The Year without Santa" (I guess Islamic terrorists will like this one). And there are other channels that show mostly Christmas programming during the month.
Let me give you an idea of some of the programs on the various TV channels tonight between the hours of 7 p.m. and 10:00 p.m. that I am welcomed to watch if I need more Christmas spirit. * Christmas With The Mormon Tabernacle Choir- This famous Mormon choir will sing songs about the season with someone named Renee' Fleming (Am I supposed to know who she is? She is listed as a feature of the show). I have many Christmas tunes in my computer and we have several "all christmas music stations" I listen to on my radio, so i will let Renee sing without my presence.
* Bargain Hunt- This is a shopping channel. Tonight my newspaper TV listing says it will have many Christmas bargains I can buy if I watch. There is always a "sale" at Christmas
* Top Chef- This holiday special is a contest for chefs to see which can make the best holiday gingerbread display. If I watch, I'll eat too many gingerbread cookies. I better skip this one.
* "Santa Claus Meets The Martians"- Haha It's a movie about a Martian invasion of Earth. But when landing the Martians first meet Santa. That should confound those aliens.
* Myth Busters Holiday Special- This is a science channel offering in which several geeks debunk myths about things related to Christmas. The program description says one myth is the one that Christmas lights burn trees and houses. They will see how hot the lights on the tree must be before burning the house down. Hold on...I want to turn off my Christmas tree lights while I write to you about this stupidity.
* "Unlikely Angel"- it's a movie staring Dolly Parton (That country music woman with the tremendous sized breasts). The story line says "An emotionally troubled family is united by a kindly angel (By nature, aren't all angels kindly?). Hmmmmm I should turn it on for a few seconds to see if Dolly's breasts have grown since she became angelic.
* "A Christmas Carol"- The most filmed Christmas subject ever (Charles Dickens classic tale of Scrooge). I love the tale but have read and seen it so much I might tun into a Scrooge if I have to watch it for the 100th time.
* "A Perfect Day"- Hey! The movie where I was an extra last September as a Santa Claus is re-running again". My five seconds of fame was fun, but I better not watch or I will turn into one of those egotistical Hollywood celebrities I like to parody here.
Ok, that's sampling. there was more. It will all be gone by January 1st, and even thought I watch little of it, I will miss it all (even the invading Martians). It's nice to know that the programming is out there, that the Christmas spirit is at least alive on the boob tube. Santa is not too popular theses days in not so merry Scotland. He took another hit yesterday from the local kid gangs, the "neds" or "yobs", as they call those little thugs. The attack on santa this time was so bad that he has had to turn in this jolly traditional red and white hat for protective headgear.
It's because the neds gave Santa a symbolic pelting with traditional Christmas mince pies while the jolly fat man was handing out gold chocolate coins at a shopping mall in the town of Paisley. The neds directed the assault of mince meat while standing on a balcony overlooking Santa, then quickly fled the scene. To protect Santa from future attacks the mall issued him a yellow hard hat equipped with a pair of reindeer antlers.
Those neds are serial Santa stalkers. Last year in the same city the gang pounced on Santa calling him a "fraud and a fake". Maybe Santa should spread merry in disguise when in Paisley.