Paris Isn't Burning

You are in luck! I happen to have an update on Paris Hilton's prison stretch. Yes, my intuition has tuned into Paris' thoughts, and I have a few of them (well, Paris doesn't think often, a few is the maximum for her) for you to read. I am even better than the trash media that worships Paris, Lindsay, Britney and the other.
"Like, Wow! Getting this prison gig was a great idea. It's not easy being famous for 'nothing", so getting caught driving drunk for the third time and put in this "semi prison" was a great idea. I may have to start drinking more so I can come back if they media ignores me. I should write a thank you note to that judge too. I even like my cool orange prison jumpsuit. maybe i should put out a line of 'Paris Orange' when I get out of jail. I know the other mindless fools out there, the ones who care about me, would be willing to buy one for themselves.
This place is so nice we even had a cavity search today....just like I usually do with my boy toy friends. I always like having my cavity searched, but too bad...they didn't video it. How's a girl supposed to put her cavity searches on the Internet if they won't film it? Film...yea...I got an idea. I should come back here after my sentence is over and film the next series of that stupid TV show I do with Nicole Richie..The Simple Life. Yes, we could do an entire season right here from prison..."Paris Does the Simple Jail Life" Nicole could even be my prison girl that I use for sex pleasures. I like it. Maybe I could hire someone to write a book and say it is my reflections while here...no.....everyone knows I am too shallow and too stupid to do that. Another sex video will probably sell better. I'll do that.
But like what's a gurlie like me to do here all day? It's hard to party when there is no one around.... and can you believe it....someone here suggested I read in my free time. I'm sure! Well, Paris doesn't do books or anything that complicated stuff because it can confuse a party lady ....unless it's a gossip column story about me acting like a spoiled brat. I got the brat act done good. Everyone wants to hear about my wasted privileged life. That reminds me..I need to get totally wasted. I wonder if one of the guys in the media could sneak in a drink.
I hope all the guys out there keep there pants on while I am in here. Someone should tell them to not worry, because Paris will be out and romping again soon."
Wellllllllllll...Paris might have said all of that.