On Calendars

Do you have any calendars in your home? I mean, wall or s desk calendars. I always have a wall calendar and a small desk calendar, plus a cloth calendar for the kitchen. I feel naked without those, but that's not the point (I hope you haven't got an image in your head of naked Jim on a calendar...it wouldn't be a pretty site).
Anyway, I have 2006 calendars but it wasn't easy deciding which ones to use this year. The calendar market is a growing entity, particularly the for sale calendar. In the U.S most of us would receive free calendar from banks, or retail outlets, who gladly bear the cost for the right to print their logo and number on the calendar they issue- just so you keep their business in mind all year long. Sometimes they would give out magnet calendars for the refrigerator instead of the standard desk or wall type.
But those freebies are disappearing because many people now think they are not sufficient for their own particular decor or because they don't appeal to their interest. Few people want a "Joe's Barber Shop" calendar in their kitchen. Instead the calendar aficionado has a much bigger choice if he is willing to forgo the free give way calendar and instead, fork over his money for a more exotic one.
So what are the choices? There are calendars that feature animals, ethnic groups, music, reference, movies, children's interests (the kids like Spongebob Squarepants), food, flowers, cars, nude or sexy calendars, humorous, travel, history, planner calendars, calendar kits to make your own, calendars with your own photos printed on etc.... Those are just the ones I can think of at the moment.
Surely there must be a calendar for every possible interest. While browsing for calendars before finally settling on mine I did note a few strange ones. One was the 'Momism' calendar. That's right. There is a 50's style mom on each month who gives what she thinks is sage advice, though it may all seem trite and funny to those of us who heard those from our own mom. How about the 'Big Hair' calendar. I guess only a woman could like that. Pictures of oversized hairdos on top of the heads of pretty ladies are what you get with that one. No thanks. I don't want to look at that 365 days a year. Is mom out of the room????? because another one I saw would upset her. It's the 'B Word' calendar. I know you are not so innocent to not know what the B word is. But that calendar celebrates ..uh.... the "difficult woman. January has a picture of a beautiful B who is reclining and purring sexily "You say I'm a B---- like it's a bad thing."
When I passed the celebrity calendar section I made a quick retreat. can you believe that Larry The Cable Guy and 50 Cent have a calendar made for them? But then I also saw a Redneck Haiku' calendar for sale. I'll never understand what that's about and surely don't want a redneck's haiku glaring down from the wall at me. If anyone sends me that one, I will mail it to you! For the truly demented among us is a 'Bushism' calendar that illustrates the stupid looks and misspeaks of the pathetic George W. (actually, I saw 3 different Bush calendars for sale that all testified to his utter idiocy and incompetence).
How about the 'Fact or Crap' calendar I saw for sale? One you might like is the male nightmare. It's the '2006 Shopaholic's Box Calendar'. I would mention it further but it might encourage you to shop even more than you already do. But that one has to be better than the calendar I found at the end of the aisle. It's the '2006 Nuns Having Fun Wall Calendar'. I thought nuns weren't allowed to have fun. I hope they aren't having more fun than I. Sigh...They probably are. Right next to the Nuns having Fun calendar was the 'Sex Every Day Every Way' calendar. It supposedly shows different sexual positions for each month. Hmmmmmmm I wonder why that one was closed with tight cellophane binding it.....I couldn't examine it....
I will have to use my imagination this year. Well, all of that calendar browsing made me stressed. I thought about buying the 'Aunty Stress Activity Wall' calendar to help me get thought the year. Come to think of it! After reading this E mail you could probably use that too.