Long Live Fruitcake

Today I come to praise fruitcake, not to bury it (Forgive me Shakespeare, but I needed to borrow from Julius Caesar, given the important nature of the topic- the noble fruitcake. Fruitcake, the much maligned Christmas sweet, is often the butt of many jokes and eschewed by many. But I write today to tell you there are good fruitcakes.
I suppose just about everyone has eaten a piece of fruitcake at one time or another, for it is an important part of Christmas tradition. But some, like me, seek out the "good fruitcakes" and gobble them up each holiday time. I even put some in my freezer so I may relive the fruitcake delirium in summer, spring or fall.
Forget the image of the old , hard inedible glob that is better used as a doorstop than eaten. That kind of fruitcake is a rare one, like the cheap ink pen that doesn't write or the phony diamond your sweetie once gave you! I am here to tell you what a good fruitcake is, and why you should rush out and find one to nibble. I want to convert you to the glories of fruitcake.
Beware! First, a quick history of the fruitcake. It dates back in origin to ancient Egypt where it was said that fruitcake must be eaten in the afterlife (though some today say eating in while alive will kill you). Fruitcake evolved over time, with the Romans adding other ingredients to preserve it so it could be carried as food during those Roman army conquests. Centuries later, in the Middle Ages, much of the ingredients found in fruitcake today were added, giving it a similar appearance to what you can buy as "fruitcake' at your local bakery or grocery store.
I have no idea how fruitcake became part of the Christmas holidays, because historians are clue less too. But I suspect Charles Dickens may have popularized it in his novel Christmas Carol and other stories with a Christmas setting he wrote. It is known that in England pieces of fruitcake were passed out to poor women when Christmas carolers sang their tunes in the late 1700's (Give me fruitcake and I'll sing for you!). Later still, the Victorians ate fruitcake at major holidays. There was even a tradition for unmarried ladies to put a slice of fruitcake under her pillow so she would dream of whom she would marry.
A good fruitcake contains dried fruit, candied fruit, citron, fruit rind, nuts, spices, some liquor or brandy in which it may have been soaked, and just a tiny bit of flour to hold it together. The ratio of fruit and nuts to batter should be fairly high. The bad ones are mostly globs of flour with sprinkles of candied fruit. Avoid them and seek the former. Too, fruitcakes may be either light or dark, the lighter ones, which are made with ordinary granulated sugar, being less rich with more subtle flavor and aroma. The darker fruitcakes have molasses in the batter (which give it the dark color).
True aficionados of fruitcake swear by the dark ones, but I prefer a light fruitcake. There are innumerable sites that sell fruitcake listed on the internet. One good one is the Collin Street Bakery. I used to buy an "Australian Apricot" fruit cake from them by mail order and it was heavenly. There are also surprisingly good fruitcakes in grocery stores, though one has to look hard and be lucky to find them. I find that "homemade" fruitcakes are usually threats to good health an normal pallets. One should avoid those when possible., for making a good fruitcake is laborious and a long process.
I myself make one with a whoel orange ( ruind and all) processed as abase for it. . I do remember a friend of my mom who lived in Mississippi. She used to make "Friendship Cakes" (her name for a fruitcake she created) filled with delicious dried and candied fruit and fruit in a dark batter. To this day I always think about that cake at Christmas time, though I have not tasted it for many years. Sooooooo are you ready to eat fruitcake? You must be crazy! That stuff could kill you.
Ok, we can debate whether giving someone a fruitcake is an awful gift or a gift from the Gods. But I have a gift list form Australia that even Santa wouldn't want. Choice Magazine announced in canberra last week the results of a survey of 12,000 people who were asked what would be the worst gift they could receive at Christmas time. And the winner of the worst gift contest is....an electric ice shaver.
I have no idea why, unless some of the respondents have had trouble with that gadget. Number two was an ice cream maker, probably because people feel kitchen objects are work gifts rather than pleasure ones. Number three was a foot spa. Huh? Who gives that? I never heard of it. Among the other bad gifts were: electric can openers. aromatherapy diffusers, hair removal appliances. heated rollers, hair curling wands and deli slicers. Relax., I never give any of those. But you better run and hide. You might get a fruitcake.