Healthy Treats For Goblins

You didn't get any good Trick or Treats this year? No candy for you.....but then...this year there was a movement to give the trick or treaters "healthy" treats. Oh my. Is there anything worse for a kid on a holiday than healthy food? I think not. But the food nutritionist nuts were out in force this year promoting those kids of alternatives to candy (Bah Humbug! I give out candy...lots of it...when I am not eating it).
Poor kids who run into a house that distributes healthy Halloween goodies. It's the secret fear of every trick or treater. They ring the doorbell and shout "Trick-or-Treat"! And, plop, a dour looking grown-up drops an apple or orange into the bag. No M&M's, or Twixts bars. No Milky Ways, Skittles, bubble gum or candy corn, just the usual healthy fare that adults regularly thrust in the faces of their little goblins and ghosts. Apples can be tasty, but at Halloween? It's like serving high fiber cereal instead of chocolate cake at a birthday party. Anyone giving those healthy treats deserves a trick or too.
Here are 6 "healthy" of this years more prominent alternatives that were suggested as alternatives to Halloween candy.
1) Play-Doh- That's right. Hasbro, makers of the toy molding clay promoted Play Doh as a treat with the slogan, "A Halloween treat doesn't have to be sweet". They got that right! Put Play Doh in my trick-or-treat bag and you will likely have Play Doh in your face as I scream "Where's the candy?"
2) Granola Bars- Quaker Oats wants you to give the kiddies fun size granola bars and made bags of the fun sized Chocolate Chip Granola Bars for distribution. Call them fun bars, but they still taste like chocolate laxative. No normal kid wants that.
3) UTZ- The makers of Utz Pretzels says to give them too much salt, not sugar. So they sold half ounce bags of bat and pumpkin shaped pretzels for the kids. "It will never overtake candy", said a Utz spokeswoman. Right..but it will raise the kid's blood pressure even higher than the sugar goodies. I doubt pretzels are healthy.
4) Raison bags- Sun-Maid suggests its mini boxes of golden raisins as a candy alternative. They slogan Sun made hurled at us was, "How clever, a healthy snack disguised as a raisin." Hey! Aren't raisins those inedible globs kids refuse to eat and toss out of their apple pie slices.
5) Apples- Instead of the usual apple in the bag approach, U.S. apple growers banded together and introduced a treat of sliced apples in pre-sealed bags. "It's better for you", was the slogan. Hmmmmmmmm It may be better for me, but I won't eat that on halloween unless you cover it in cinnamon and sugar!
6) Floss & Go- Get ready for this "treat". It's dental floss! The dental floss company, Floss & Go wants parents to hand out its "all natural floss" instead of un natural, but delicious candy. The company slogan is a frightening omen to all parents. "6 to 12 year olds are the age group most prone to getting cavities," it said.
Right! Little witches and gouls should have rotten teeth!! So throw away that dental floss and hand over the candy. Happy Halloween!