The Vultures Are Swarming

The Vultures are swarming around me. This is my figurative way of saying that the telemarketers who call me by phone and send me mail to buy their oldie products assuming that I am so old that I am near death....or if they are lucky already dead.  Let me look....Hold on....Ok, my mirror says that I am indeed old but still alive. I have to check my mirrors sometimes to be sure because those people keep suggesting I am dead or should be.

What I most object to is their constant mailings trying to seduce me into buying hearing aids of all sorts. They even offer to test my hearing "to find suitable hearing support". My hearing is perfect, probably because as a teen I never belonged to a piercingly loud kid band with guitars that killed the inner ear. They assume that because I am old that my hearing is floundering. It is not.

When one reaches a certain age in this country the mailing list syndrome starts. At that point there is an assumption of failing hearing, the need to buy a burial plot, bad teeth, sexual dysfunction, the heartbreak of psoriasis (whatever that it) and more. The most common maladies an older person gets are the ones those telmarketers assume we all have. But I am a weird person. That means I have only weird health issues. Why don't they put me on the weirdo health list and send me those. I might buy from them if they do.

I don't answer my phone unless I recognize the caller from the caller ID, so avoiding the phone sellers is easy. And, I can toss the hearing aid mailings, and the others into the trash without opening them, but what is harder to ignore is the E mail sales pitches for old age illness and other oldie "needs". It's the bizarre nature of those E mails that aggravate me. The mailing suggesting that at my age it's time to have my breasts lifted is not going to be a win for them. However, if they are clever they might ask me if I want a breast reduction. Many men my age need that.