Just when I think I have heard it all extravagance, I read today of a $6,390 toilet. Right..instead of the usual $50 toilet, you can own $6, 390 worth of _ _ _ _. It is Kohler's new top-of-the-line toilet that supposedly anyone should buy, be comfortable while sitting and purging. It's expensive because it has some features that make sitting on the toilet a pleasurable experience.
Here's the "poop' on those features as Kohler lists them
- Custom Bidet: User can control pressure, temperature and angle. You know what bidet is, huh? It's that French designed (the French rarely invent anything, so it is fitting that the most famed of all French designed is a bidet) 18th century sitting wash basin that people use to wash their genitals before sex or the butts after a bowel movement. They still use that today in France, which kind of sums up how arrested the culture is there.
- Tank less Design: No chains to jiggle, but at this price?
- Motion Sensor Lid: After 90 seconds of no movement, the toilet will close and a deodorizer activated. Can't a person just close the lid him or herself?
- Seat Warmer: Why should your bare bottom suffer from a chilly toilet seat? But does warming the butt activate the evacuation process or retard it?
- Foot Warmer: A vent beneath the bowl blows hot air to warm your feet and the cold tile beneath them. Hmmmm Most people just place a rug in front of the toilet seat to achieve that.
- Automatic Seat: For male users, a motion sensor is activated by foot and causes the seat to rise and then lower when you're away. This might end the spousal war about whether each should raise or lower the seat after using. But that could make most marriages far duller. There is something heartwarming about the toilet seat debate.
- LED lit back panel: Frosted glass is lit in an energy efficient way. I guess if you are going to charge too much to sell a toilet, claiming the user is going to save the world is a nice global warming nonsense feature.
- MP3 Hook-up: So you never have to be without your music. Uh..what songs would you have on your MP3 crapper list? There is an actual song called "I Pooped in my Pants", by The Toilet Bowl Cleaners.
- Remote Control: This touch screen pad lets the user control all of these features from a wireless control. Should you want to activate the foot warmer in advance. This toilet seems heavenly for the nerd crowd.
- A flat white surface designed for easy cleaning: Though I doubt anyone who spends over $6,400 on a toilet is planning to clean it themselves.
Kohler says that the toilet is for “consumers that want the best — latest in technology and want a fashion statement for their home." But I am not sure the average man or woman could be comfortable sitting down after paying that much for a toilet. This whole subject is a load of _ _ _
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