And The Winner Is...

Speaking of the decline of civilization...Ok, I didn't mention that yet, but I will now because it's that time of year again. Yes, the annual Darwin award winners (you just cannot use the term "winners" more loosely than with that) have been announced and it sure doesn't inspire optimism in the future of mankind. The Darwin's honor those who, if we were lucky, will remove themselves from the gene pool so we can all get on with evolving into something more intelligent and productive.

Need an example? Well this year's winner, James Elliot, was well qualified (Uh, "was" because he did remove himself from the gene pool with his award winning act). When his .38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , Calif., would-be robber James did something that can only inspire wonder among fellow Darwinites. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked and our collective IQ increased as the bullet penetrated James' brain.

I know society has always had its share of idiots, but with our technology today it's so much easier to hear about their escapades. If you need more news of the Darwin winners to be convinced that humans need focus better, the runner-ups follow below.

– After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for three days.

– An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, he told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

– A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15.

– Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly.. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

So all of these idiots seem to indicate that humans are not really evolving. Think about this and then try to recall some of your own Darwin types you have witnessed in your own city. Uh, it doesn't take long to remember along list of acts of stupidity witnessed by Darwinites. I confess, some of my own behaviors make my list.

Yes, I am a Darwinite too, though not to the degree that other James is/was. I just put my foot in my mouth with my stupid remarks, but at least I haven't yet shot himself in the head. I know what you are thinking, but you should be ashamed of the idea that I should try to top that other James this year.