National Pardon Day

I think I missed National Pardon Day? Pardon me for missing it, but I just read about it a few minutes ago and should be pardoned for the lapse. That day really exists, another of the many stupid American "days" that are full of sound and fury but signify nothing (Thanks to Shakespeare for lending me that line, and, pardon me Shake, if it was tactless to use it). Besides National Pardon Day, it's hard to believe but there was also a National Date Nut Bread Day on the same day. What is one to do when asked to observe two important holidays at the same time? And to think I didn't even eat any date nut bread on National Pardon Day. I really can relate better to anything nutty, so I think next year I'll forget forgiving or asking for a pardon, and instead I'll eat a piece of date nut bread.

Back to Pardon Day... The origin of National Pardon Day goes back to the Presidential Pardon granted by President Gerald Ford to previous president Richard Nixon, for his many dishonest and illegal behaviors in the famed Watergate scandal during Nixon's term of office. On September 8th, 1974 after taking over the presidency for Nixon, who reigned in disgrace, Ford pardoned Nixon, and thereafter began a movement to pardon others to on the same date. If crooked politicians can be pardoned and given immunity from jail for their abuses, the rest of us should be pardoned too. So next Pardon Day (I assume you also missed it, probably because you were too busy eating date nut bread) if you have wronged someone or hurt their feelings, then you should seek them out to say your are sorry and to sincerely ask their forgiveness. It's also the day to be gracious in giving forgiveness to someone who is truly sorry for what he or she has done.

Of course, I will deny anything you claim I did to offend you. I can get away with it by claiming my stupidity as an excuse. Stupid people are automatically pardoned on the basis of not knowing any better. So forget any claim that I need to be pardoned, and instead start groveling to me and asking for forgiveness for all you have done to injure me this year. By the way, on National Pardon Day the recommended forgiveness ritual is for you to send candy, flowers and to ask for an apology...errr.. just to let you know...I prefer dark chocolate.

How does one know if he or she needs to be pardoned? Our society today is so coarse and lacking in social folkways of behavior that most are not aware of their transgressions when committing them. For example, just look at the blathering cell phone idiots who publicly scream into their cell phones and by doing so offend anyone who recognizes the value of etiquette to a society. Society today may be beyond seeing a purpose in a Pardon Day because it has lost most of the norms of behavior of the past.

Ahhhhhhhhhhh, forget the whole thing. Just have a piece of date nut bread on National Pardon Day next year and feel free to belch in public while doing it. No one is likely to exclaim in outrage, "I beg your pardon!" if you do.