Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Places Not For Me

The other day someone asked me how long has it been since I moved from New Orleans to Portland. It's been about 10 months now. this makes me reflect, not about the move I made, but about moves I surely wouldn't make. There are some cities , regions or countries I want no part of, and I am sure you are of the same mindset.


The worst place for me to move would be a Muslim country. I would only visit there (and make sure I didn't lose my passport while on vacation), but would have a great time observing the 14th century lifestyle. Those mullahs would flog me every day if I lived in one of them. It's just too intolerant a mentality for a loudmouth like me.

Those Muslim countries remind me of France. France is also mostly an intolerant place, but they aren't fanatics about it. You can keep your head if you offend the French. Instead of cutting it off, they will only act snooty and say snide things behind your back if you don't worship their 19th century culture (see, they are about five centuries ahead of the Muslim run nations). I imagine it's hard to act pretentious 24 hours a day as the French do.


In the U.S there are quite a few places I am not interested in moving to. Kansas is one. I drove through Kansas when I drove my car from New Orleans to Portland last year, and the only thing I saw was farm land...flat....monotonous farm land with temperatures below zero in winter and above 45 C in summer. To give you some idea of the appeal of Kansas, I should mention that the cows and sheep have more personality than the people of Kansas. For fun, in Kansas they dodge tornadoes and clean out the barn.


I also am not moving to any of those Totalitarian nations (Ok, maybe exclude China from this because the women are so beautiful). I refuse to salute to the gigantic picture of the dictator staring at me from the places that allegedly "belongs to the people's republic) but that is inhabited by those rich dictators and their pals. There's a lot more about those places I don't like, the never ending military parades, the substandard housing, calling the lead dictator "father", and having to wear those funny and drab looking outfits they hand out to the citizens.


Oh, one more I refuse to go to is those tropical island paradise places everyone talks about. They aren't a paradise to me. They are hot, insect filled, and exist only because tourists think the beaches on which they relax (bake their skin to the point of skin cancer in the sun) are good places to relax or meet people for romance (sex). The tropical isles remind me of movie sets. They are all a mirage, a front with nothing of substance behind the front view.


I have more places I could mention, but I have already angered enough of the world with my remarks, so I will shut up before they grab me and drop me on a mountain top somewhere where I have no internet access

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