Wiping Religiously

To escape real world problems today I thought I would mention the Finnish toilet paper maker who got in big trouble in Norway for putting quotes from the Bible, including the words of Jesus, on its rolls. The Norwegian churches were not amused that even though Mesta Tissue was trying to convey messages about love, it accidentally included lines from the Gospel of Matthew and First Corinthians on toilet paper sold in Norway, Denmark and Sweden. Who would wipe with that! Well, Mesta apologized, promised not to print them anymore and recalled all the religious tissue.

Mesta Tissue, whose toilet rolls in the Nordics regularly feature witty quotes, poetry or philosophical messages said that pooping is not a sacred task, that the accidental printing was it was just a "mess" that happened, and that it would "wipe" all future rolls clean of any religious thought. Hmmmm I once had an uncle who was constipated so much he probably would have liked the idea of divine inspiration toilet tissue to help him do his business while on the pot.  I would search the Bible to see if Jesus weighed in on the subject of religious toilet paper, but in Biblical times they had no toilet paper and instead wiped with whatever was handy.

Hmmm If Mesta had printed the Koran 's words from Allah on that toilet paper I wonder how many people would have been killed in riots by now? Those Muslims are offended when one says hello. I doubt they would like to see infidels wiping with Allah in public rest rooms. Hey! Maybe we should add an 11th commandment, since scripture does not directly address the "to wipe religiously or not to wipe religiously" question. Something like....Thou shalt not wipe your butt with bible scripture. I think both the Muslims and Christians could agree on that. To think it takes ass wiping to unite the religions must be a miracle.

But wait! Remember that quote they used to teach us in elementary school. It was, "Cleanliness is next to Godliness". That line seems to contradict the prohibition about religious wiping. Now I am thoroughly confused as to whether it is nobler in the minds of man to wipe religiously.  Maybe Mesta Tissue should put famous religious faces on it's rolls instead, humans like past popes or the founders of religious sects.  That could be a grand compromise which only offends humans, not the Gods.

I think I have "gotten to the bottom" of this issue, because I now feel a sudden urge to sit and ruminate on the pot about it and then afterward to "wipe away" everything but my sins...