Small Piece Of Advice For The Catholic Church

The Catholic Church is about to pick a new pope, and with that in mind a fallen Catholic (that's me) has a  suggestion for the Cardinals about the papacy and about a new direction the Church might take. Given that I am a virtual heathen in the eyes of every church on earth and that every believer out there, I feel qualified to offer this impartial opinion. Often out of the mouth of idiots there is a trace of reason, even when the idiot is me.

About the new pope....well, I hope that he (Oh, and maybe after the new pope is finished "poping" the succeeding pope can be a woman, as that would be a significant signal that the Catholic faith sees women as the equal of men, even though you and I both know women are really the superior sex) is a more liberal pope as to recognizing how humans have changed since the now antediluvian practices the church now holds were created.  Moving from the middle ages mentality it still clings to and replacing that with a 21st century one can't hurt the Church.  We need what is sometimes referred to as a "modern pope"  and "modern direction in the Church".  For a start, that would mean the Cardinals would hold a 'Church Council on Sexual Equality' to make women equal in the church, to give the church's blessing to gay life styles, and one that would make it acceptable for all priests and nuns and other clerics to marry (either same sex or opposite sex partners) and procreate.

This would bring more men and women into the clergy,  and that would relieve the church of some of the sex scandals committed by its currently frustrated group of clergy. Also some of the Catholics who left the Church because of its irrelevance might decide return to it. Hmmm Maybe the new pope would even strut in those red shoes that popes wear (isn't their entire costume a bit foppish!)  and announce that he himself is gay. I suspect that quite a few of the past popes have been closet gays anyway, so why not go for it. Most Catholics are also aware of this and probably would not leave the Church because it is led by a guy who walks funny and says mass with a lisp...

There also has to be a no tolerance policy for sexual abuse by members of the clergy. It would be a practical goal for the Church to achieve, given that clergy members could now have a sex life and not have to take on a predator mode of behavior. I know that there would be a precipitous rise in the number of parents who would allow their sons to become altar boys because they would think that Father Bruce is openly doing the nasty with adults instead of behind Church walls with their sons..

Yes, a Church Council on Sexual Equality would be a daring first reform movement for a Church that has become less and less relevant. Surely, some older conservative members would be upset and might leave the Church. But a dying entity like the Catholic Church should risk being relevant if it truly wishes to survive in the 21st century.