Papal Election Oddities

Watching the drama of the announcement of the new pope after the "white smoke" release  from the Sistine Chapel in the Vatican that says a new pope has been chosen was interesting to one like me who loves tradition. I can think of nothing more traditional than the behavior of the Catholic Church, which keeps its rituals as true to the past as is possible, partly because some of  those traditions seem weird today.. The crowds who had gathered in the Vatican Square to await the announcement of and appearance of the new pope were cheering and in a frenzy as like that at a sporting event, waving flags and chanting in a display far more alive than any actual church service that will follow during the reign of this new pope will be. It seems it takes tradition to liven the faithful in matters of the Catholic Church.

The Catholic Church is secretive and can appear odd at times. Take the papal section process itself as an example.  Sedia Stecorana, the pierced chair has been used since medieval time because any candidate chosen by the cardinals to be the new pope had to sit in that chair with he open bottom space while one of the cardinals  reached through the hole and fondled his testicles to prove he was a male. Uh, the examining cardinal who fondled the new pope supposedly called out to the other cardinals, "He has two balls, and they are well hung."  Hmmmm Then they molested the pope, and now they just molest the altar boys.  Let's hope the new pope wasn't subjected to that quaint squeeze test tradition.

But since Pope John VIII (later ridiculed as "Pope Joan") was elected in 855 and later discovered by the woman hating Catholics to be a woman (after being chosen and reigning for two years she gave birth to a child and was beaten, dragged into the streets and stoned to death on finding out about her deception) it might not be a bad idea to still do an eye ball test when electing a new pope. Who knows? Maybe in the super secretive church it still is the procedure. With all the sex scandals among the clergy I am sure there would be plenty of volunteers to squeeze.

The former Pope, Benedict, is grateful he is still alive and not being replaced as pope because of death. That's because of another weird tradition of the Catholic Church used in selecting a new pope. It seems that by traditional ritual the old pope had to be certified dead before the new one had his balls checked. To do it they used a tried and true method- they hit the supposed dead pope on the head with the "silver hammer" three times to see if there is a response. I suspect they got plenty of response when checking the new pope's balls. The Romans still say about the silver hammer, "There is nothing so dead as a dead pope".

May the new pope enjoy the ball test and avoid the silver hammer for many years to come....