Finding A Barber

Since I have moved to the Portland area, one thing I need to find now is a good barber shop to have my hair cut simply and quickly. I like the old fashioned barber shops that men have been patronizing since the first time they had their hair cut professionally. It's not an easy find anymore, here or anywhere in the United States. That's because "hair styling salons" have put most barbers out of business. Those hair saloon chains can cut hair about the same price as a barber but make it look like the recipient is getting a whole lot more than a cut. And the shops are often big chains that are clean and fancy equipment. Hmmmmm A clean barber shop is like a clean restaurant...tasteless.

All I want is the same simple cut I always get, along with the odd conversation the barber engages in with me when he is cutting my hair. Those salon hair cutters are too sophisticated to be earthy, are too practical, and don't know anything about about sports and women. How can a male converse with them? If the hair groomer (I will call the fancy saloon cutters "groomers" to make a distinction between they are the barber) at a salon chats it's likely to be with and between me and a big bosomed babe who tends only to complain about her boyfriend or a gay guy (are all male hair cutters in saloons gay?) doing the same about his boyfriend. I can't relate to that. And I refuse to have a boob job or turn gay to start relating. Instead, I want a real barber with bad breath.

I prefer the ignorant rants of a uneducated barber who passionately orates about things he doesn't really understand but doesn't realize. At least he is not a phony who panders for the big tips those groomers get. With a real old fashioned barber I can have my hair cut the way I like and also hear the solutions to all the world's problems at the same time...for one low price. And I don't need a personal cutter. There is always a "Kenneth" in a salon who is the darling of the customers, particularly the ladies. They call him "My Kenneth". "I have an appointment with My Kenneth Today", they exclaim on arrival at the salon. Appointment! Who ever heard of making an appointment with a barber? It isn't done that way in a barber shop. It's first come first serve there and there are no gay Kenneth's on the premises anyway!

Since I am new here and need to be educated about the local politics, a barbershop, not a salon with a groomer, is the place to hear about that. Every barber knows how to run the local city government better than the politicians that are in office and who are allegedly corrupt (according to the barber's wife whose nephew works in city hall) and will not mind sharing that knowledge while shaving hair from a head. What do groomers know about politics? Nothing! Most are not even registered to vote.Wish me luck in finding a barbershop nearby, because I surely don't want to have a bob job or turn gay to go to a hair saloon. I already have boobs of sort from my fat.

So if I can't find a barber shop, you can just start calling me "Kenneth" .