A Politically Correct Language Day in Portland

The other day while venturing into politically correct downtown Portland, I noticed my language was not quite clear to the PC crowds there.  When I casually said to a Star buck's lady (Opps! I wasn't PC with you here either. The politically correct term should be "feminine gender barista") that "I don't like black coffee", she castigated me for being a "racist". Well, at that point I decided that in order to survive the stupidity of the PC Portland world that day I would have to speak like one of the natives. Sure enough, I surmised,  it was the only thing uttered out of my normally non PC mouth the locals would understand and accept.

I regained my composure at the Star buck's and quickly corrected my language deficiency by telling that feminine gender barista that, "Actually, black coffee is best. I hate the light colored roasts". She smiled and agreed that black is always best.  So to give you an idea of what PC lingo I spoke the other day while in the downtown bubble, liberal, out of touch with reality Portland I shall now try to reconstruct some of my best PC lines that day. I trust you are PC enough to understand and realize that we must never offend anyone, never hurt a single feeling because....well, it's always best to avoid the truth and to do so we should by change our the language to PC babble.

I left the Star bucks and headed out the door to my destination when I saw a  "comb free human"  staring into his cell phone and about to bump into a pole along the sidewalk. I knew that he must have been "visually challenged" so I yelled in caution to him. "Are you "spacially perplexed? Be careful of that pole and those two "undocumented immigrants" and "outdoor urban residents" or you may collide with them.

The comb free guy thanked me and said that if I would not have warned him someone might have become "living impaired" in a tragic accident.  I moved onward, until a "person of mass" blocked me. It was a "sanitation engineer" who was cleaning the sidewalk. Angry with me for walking on his ground he yelled that I was a dolt and  probably a "uniquely fortuned individual on an alternative career path" who never knew the right place to walk in PC Portland. I felt "emotionally raped" by his remark and crossed to the other side of the street.

Oh my! I immediately came face to face with a  male dressed in a long white robe, evidently, I thought,  "newcomer" to the country. He who sneered at me and gave me the impression that he was "chemically challenged" and a "dedicated to Allah jihadist". Of course the PC police had previously taught me that all Muslims are sacred and that to suspect that he might be a holy warrior bent on attacking me was "racist" on my part. After all, terrorism against infidels is not something any Muslim would contemplate.

At that point I realized I must be "mentally challenged". I was a fish out of water when in Portland PC world. I immediately retreated to the direction of my car to escape the madness. While on the way I saw an "undocumented pharmacist' selling something to some kids. But I did not alert any "pigs" to what was happening. Instead I continued with my cover by chanting "we must fight climate change" until I reached my "fossil fuel" vehicle. After all, it was best to be a PC fool while there since I didn't want any of the PC Portlanders to "reduce my carbon footprint" to zero!

Sigh....  after yesterday I am thinking of moving to a more sane place, perhaps to planet Mars.