An Evening With No Cells

I was with a group of people the other day at a  potluck, sitting together eating and conversing about matters big and small.  Strangely, this occasion marked a strange atmosphere. Only one person produced a cell phone (to check for whatever it is cell addicts constantly feel a need to check) during the meal. Imagine! It was a virtual no cell event, and not by intent. I am not crazy enough to think it is a trend, but to have so many people gather and spend time together without those idiot boxes flashing lights, singing annoying call warnings,  to not see mindless finger pokes into phones, loud idiotic cell talk, was a joy.  I know this cell free event was freak of the year, but I hope everyone there also noticed how much better real time human contact is when it is conducted face to face.

Face-to-face conversation is what sustains us. It gives us a sense of connection. But electronic connections are great when we have no face to face opportunity or desire, and I think when used judiciously they can make our lives more fulfilled.  However, face to face is best. Eye contact, seeing a face, hearing a voice are the things that make us most connected to fellow humans. Sadly, the cell phone has killed too many of those superior connections.

Research suggests there's reason to worry. One recent study here at the Oregon Health and Science University asked more than 11,000 adults ages 50 and older how often they had face-to-face visits, phone conversations or email or other written contact with family and friends. After two years of follow-up, researchers found that people with the most in person contact were the least likely to be depressed. It roved what most of us know, that phone calls and digital communication with friends or family members, do not have the same power as face-to-face social interactions in helping to stave off depression.

"Having face-to-face time with your family and friends acted as a kind of preventative medicine for avoiding depression," said the study's lead author, Alan Teo, an assistant professor of psychiatry at Oregon Health & Science University in Portland. Time with friends seemed to matter the most for people under age 70, he says; time with family members mattered most for older participants.  There is something powerful about a face-to-face visit. When you are face to face with someone, you see second to second how that person is responding to you.

Many studies also suggest that just the visible presence of a cell phone can leave people feeling less connected to in-person conversational partners (the couple having dinner together in a restaurant syndrome, each texting in their phones and ignoring each other). That's even before anyone checks or starts typing on a phone. Just the presence of a phone changes how we relate when face to face. In a sense, those who want to be "connected" are in touch with a less real wider world, while detached from the real in front of them.

We owe it to others to communicate face to face when together, not post pictures, text jokes with far off friends, checking information and the endless other talk cell addicts mindlessly conduct every few minutes of their lives. Some of our humanity is lost when we substitute the virtual to the concrete. E mail and texts are extremely useful and best when it is the only avenue to connect with others, but there's no substitute for face to face when it comes to some conversations. Why is that so hard for so many of us to realize?