Aging Slowly

As I get older I think that I notice all the "aging talk" more often than when I was young and stupid (I know...today I am old and stupid. Half the equation never changes with me). Everything from science to superstition to pop psychology keeps telling me that some people age faster than others. I know that. But what good does it do to learn that. We either have good or bad aging genes, and we either get hit by that truck or it misses us.  There is nothing we can do to get on the good side of the equation, because we age the way nature wants us to age.

Just the other day I read that recent research says that people who seem to stay younger for longer are likely to have more moles. So how do I make myself get moles? They forgot to tell me that in their study. I don't have any moles now, so I am panic stricken that I might die before I can make some moles magically appear on my wrinkled body.  Hmmmmm I know they sell mole cream, but can I have a mole transplant? I want to be immortal.

There was also a report in the news that scientists have found a 'Peter Pan gene' that could explain why some people remain baby faced while others become old before their time. A British led research team (probably composed of old timers) made the discovery after trawling the DNA of more than 12,000 people for patterns that affected the rate their bodies aged. They found that people with the 'Peter Pan' version had longer telomeres, meaning their biological clocks ticked more slowly. Ok, but what good is that for those who don't have those long telomere things? Mick Jagger may be the oldest looking human on earth, but I am sure his drug and alcohol binges over the years have as much to do with his wrinkles as does short telomeres. Besides, Mick seems to having a lot more fun that us during his old wrinkled says.

Those two studies are useless. But another study by researchers showed that people who are physically active in their leisure time aged more slowly than their more sedentary counterparts. Hmmmm We could do all that exercise if we wanted to,  but I think one or both of us might have a heart attack and die if we try. One of the exercise slows aging studies said it best.  "Inactivity may diminish life expectancy not only by predisposing to aging related diseases but also because it may influence the aging process itself." Ahhhhhhhhh, I think I'll just stay on the couch eating my potato chips. I can always lather on some wrinkle cream to hide the fact that I am not exercising like they want me to.

Even the business world has something to say about our aging process.  A London University study compared the DNA of 450 office workers and found that those with more advanced degrees had longer telomeres, and thus, longer life spans. It said that long term exposure to "lower status" makes a person age faster. What good does that do for me and many others? We are too stupid to go back to college and get an advanced degree. Well, I suppose I could get one of those phony on-line degrees that one can buy for $20. It might be worth a few dollars to live a few more years.

I think I better stop reading about all of these studies. It's frustrating me and there are that probably studies saying it will shorten my telomeres, which will just make me age faster.