February 14, otherwise known as Valentine's Day rears it's
ugly head once a year to terrorize men who know the "gift' they have
been forced to give isn't what she wants. We men wonder why we have to
be the giver and she the getter. Sometimes we fantasize about The St.
Valentine's Day Massacre. That's the Valentine's Day in 1929 in in which
seven gangster rivals of Gangster Al Capone are murdered in Chicago. We
are so afraid of offending "her' that we have nightmares that she is Al
and that she machine guns us in our garage as we change the oil in HER
car , just as Capone's thugs did to the unfortunate seven that day.
Is there a worse holiday for the male species? That's a rhetorical question since we already know the answer. It's hard to believe but true that apart from Christmas Day Valentine's Day, when we pay homage to chocolate, hearts and a year's worth of guilt, is the most celebrated day in the U.S.
-In 1866, candy manufacturer NECCO made the first conversation heart candies -- then called "Motto Hearts." According to NECCO, 8 billion of these little heart shaped mysterious tasting chalk-like candies are sold between Jan. 1 and Feb. 14. Why is it that when I grab be a Necco heart candy mine never says anything about a woman wanting me, but instead has a rather blunt message just for em. The last one was "Get Lost, Loser"
-15 percent of U.S. women send themselves flowers on Valentine's Day, proving that the social pressure to "get a Valentine" is way over the top and that some women must hate Valentine's day too.
-Only the U.S., Canada, Mexico, France, Australia and the U.K. celebrate Valentine's Day. Any time your country is grouped with France is not an occasion to celebrate.
-More than 35 million heart shaped boxes of chocolate will be sold for Valentine's Day. I suspect at least 5 million of those are sold to fat guys who eat the candy themselves.
-About 3 percent of pet owners will give Valentine's Day gifts to their pets. This is in equal proportion to number of pet owners who care anything about human kids.
-Teachers receive the most Valentine's Day cards, followed by children, mothers, wives and then, sweethearts. Children aged 6 to 10 exchange more than 650 million Valentine's cards with teachers, classmates and family members. However, immediately after exchanging those Valentine's most kids resume their more favorite practices of bullying, name calling or generally beating to a pulp the kids they just Valentined.
-About 1 billion Valentine's Day cards are exchanged each year, behind only Christmas. Hallmark Greeting Cards has more than 1,330 different cards specifically for Valentine's Day. But most women would really rather just have their man show them the money
-The Italian city of Verona, where Shakespeare's fictional lovers Romeo and Juliet lived, receives about 1,000 letters addressed to Juliet every Valentine's Day. This proves that there are a significant number of morons or lunatics with romantic notions.
But despite all I have written here, in memory of Al Capone, I do wish you a Happy Valentine's Day
Is there a worse holiday for the male species? That's a rhetorical question since we already know the answer. It's hard to believe but true that apart from Christmas Day Valentine's Day, when we pay homage to chocolate, hearts and a year's worth of guilt, is the most celebrated day in the U.S.
-In 1866, candy manufacturer NECCO made the first conversation heart candies -- then called "Motto Hearts." According to NECCO, 8 billion of these little heart shaped mysterious tasting chalk-like candies are sold between Jan. 1 and Feb. 14. Why is it that when I grab be a Necco heart candy mine never says anything about a woman wanting me, but instead has a rather blunt message just for em. The last one was "Get Lost, Loser"
-15 percent of U.S. women send themselves flowers on Valentine's Day, proving that the social pressure to "get a Valentine" is way over the top and that some women must hate Valentine's day too.
-Only the U.S., Canada, Mexico, France, Australia and the U.K. celebrate Valentine's Day. Any time your country is grouped with France is not an occasion to celebrate.
-More than 35 million heart shaped boxes of chocolate will be sold for Valentine's Day. I suspect at least 5 million of those are sold to fat guys who eat the candy themselves.
-About 3 percent of pet owners will give Valentine's Day gifts to their pets. This is in equal proportion to number of pet owners who care anything about human kids.
-Teachers receive the most Valentine's Day cards, followed by children, mothers, wives and then, sweethearts. Children aged 6 to 10 exchange more than 650 million Valentine's cards with teachers, classmates and family members. However, immediately after exchanging those Valentine's most kids resume their more favorite practices of bullying, name calling or generally beating to a pulp the kids they just Valentined.
-About 1 billion Valentine's Day cards are exchanged each year, behind only Christmas. Hallmark Greeting Cards has more than 1,330 different cards specifically for Valentine's Day. But most women would really rather just have their man show them the money
-The Italian city of Verona, where Shakespeare's fictional lovers Romeo and Juliet lived, receives about 1,000 letters addressed to Juliet every Valentine's Day. This proves that there are a significant number of morons or lunatics with romantic notions.
But despite all I have written here, in memory of Al Capone, I do wish you a Happy Valentine's Day
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