Changing Obituaries

I read an article in my newspaper today about obituary notices, in particular how little the obituary uses the term "died" for the deceased. Instead, there is either a euphemism ("departed" is a common one...and "gone north" an odd substitution example) or no mention of death or of how the person did die. I think the author of that article was on to something in making that observation. I have noticed over the past few years that specificity as to death nomenclature and the cause of death is often absent in many newspaper obituary notices. With my luck I'll die typing a stupid E mail and it will be announced and posted on news sites as an example of how stupidity begets death. Oh well, since I'll be a lump of flesh lying over my keyboard at least I won't know about it.

Why are we so often now "dancing around death" in our obituary notices? Could it be that this generation is more afraid or apprehensive about dying, so much so that it practices avoidance in not even using the word or giving the cause of the person's death in the death announcement. Most death notices are pre written by the dead "guy", written by a close relative, or by the funeral home that shows his or her lifeless body for view to friends and foe alike. The funeral homes usually say "passed away" while the more colorful substitutions for "death" come from the family member who composed the notice.

I decided to go through today's local newspaper (The Times Picayune) to see what the obits said in place of the word "death". There were many non mentions of the death with instead a mere recanting of the life instead. It was almost as if the person didn't die, but just "disappeared" from earth. That's weird! Either announce the death or don't place an obituary notice. Also, many causes of death were omitted. I can remember when that was always the first thing mentioned in a death notice (why have we also stopped calling obituaries, "death notices"?).

The formats of the obituary looked little changed from years ago, as do the photo selections for the "departed". But some novelties were revealed in the death notices that I read. One, for example, mentioned the person was gay and left a "partner". That never would have appeared in an obituary even 15 years ago. I am glad that it did. In death there should be dignity, including recognizing love of all kinds.

But as to my original comment about the absence of "death" or "died" in those notices. Here are some of the alternatives used in the newspaper that I perused today: passed away, departed this life, was called home, entered into eternal rest, was welcomed by his savior, met her heavenly father, joined Him as his guardian angel, slipped away quietly, and at peace and sailed into the sunset. I estimate fewer than 15% of the death notices I saw used the old fashioned "died". "Passed away" was the most popular way of saying the dead won't be reading anymore E mails.

Funerals themselves are going out of style as more and more people choose not have them after death. I like that idea because I think funerals are way overdone. but that is a subject for another day. It's not surprising that the mere mention of the word death is also less common. This is a youth oriented culture, and it follows that death makes its members uncomfortable. Could it be that just the mention of death might make us feel more mortal?

Not I! I want my obituary to say that I "died". Make it clear so the celebrants are certain I finally have shut up. It will be a delicious irony at my expense if I die at the keyboard. I can imagine my obituary opening line..."Died of ranting too much about too little of consequence".

Maybe they should attach this rubbish to my obituary too....