Saturday, March 28, 2015

Travelers Who Irritate

I read an interesting article today about traveler types, more specifically the types that annoy most other travelers. I try not to be too judgmental about how others travel (I only give my opinion when asked, not push it or argue about good or bad) but when one is already physically uncomfortable while traveling it can be trying to be annoyed by rude, inconsiderate or clue less travelers. Having written that comment, I know that one traveler's joy may be another's nightmare, and we should all try to turn our heads at what annoys us because it's truly none of our business how other's travel.

Anyway, the article defined some of the kinds of travelers that makes her cringe, so taking a few of hers and adding a few of mine, you get my "they drive me crazy" traveler types.

* The screamer- this one doesn't speak the language of the country in which he or she is traveling, so in order to make he or she understood the traveler simply raises the voice level, "DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME NOW", thinking that the foreigner who does not speak the visitor's language will suddenly understand. Screamers usually wear plaid outfits, have cameras dangling from their waist and are often unsure of what country they are visiting.  The best way to avoid this one is to wear a phony hearing aid and pretend to not hear the screamer's noise.

* The expert- This traveler can't stop telling whomever he or she is talking to about the history or current practices of the place the expert is visiting. Usually the knowledge base sounds orchestrated, probably because this traveler often simply memorizes passages of travel books and bellows them.  The expert is annoying because he has a limitless number of things to tell us. He also informs the locals that they are wrong about their country, and that he is sure that he knows more than they about the country.  The best way to silence this one is to send him to a French or Italian barroom or restaurant so he can have the pleasure of using the hole in the concrete that is the place for him to luxuriate, not from his mouth, but from his behind.

* The well dressed traveler- This one goes overboard on the stereotypical dress of the country in which he or she is traveling. In Germany he wears a dirndl. In India she dresses in a sari. After dressing for the country the well dressed traveler then starts to imitate the dialects of each country (as he or she knows the from watching his favorite movies).  In Australia, for example, she can be heard saying, "G'day mate" to the other tourists or even to locals.  The best strategy for dealing with this one (besides hiding or changing your nationality to one different from that of the well dressed traveler) is to tell her that her sari is revealing her middle aged spread or that the Spanish drinking flask he is carrying was made from recycled cow dung.

* The I have already been there traveler- This traveler has been everywhere, or at least claims to have been. He has run with the bulls at Pamplona, fought with revolutionaries in Syria and climbed Mt Olympus. But sometimes he confuses places, people and events to the point where he will swear that "they love roasted pork in Saudi Arabia". Just smile and pretend too. Tell him you have been to some place in your imagination. He will certainly swear he's been there at least twice.

* The super patriot traveler- This man or woman just can't leave his or her home country behind, not even for a second. "The eggs back home are fresher" or "This place is so primitive" are comments often uttered by the super patriot. They tend to wear their home nation's country flag on their shorts or even have tattoos of their country on their corpulent bodies. Super patriots make other travelers suffer because the locals think all visitors to their country share the super patriot perspective.  Apologizing to the locals for the boorish behavior of the super patriot may be one way to avoid being deported from your vacation spot.

* The photographer- This one thinks traveling is one big photographic session.  Many are of Japanese heritage, but they come in all nationalities. Anything that can be pictured they will record in their many cameras. Try to avoid conversing with them after they put their camera down (even camera nuts need a food or bathroom break) because they will show you hours of their "best shots". The photographer has little recollection of anything about the places he visited apart from what he sees in his or her pictorial collection. Travel for this one is frustrating for him or her because when he returns home he or she is often confused about which pictures fit which country hero she has just seen (and forgotten). Never ever accept a photographer's invitation to a viewing his "trip pictures". You will have a very long stay if you do.

* The cheapskate- This traveler spends as little on the travel experience as humanly possible. I think they see travel as a game in which the participant tries to spend as little as possible.  This includes accommodations, airfare, expenses in the counrty.....anything involving payment of any kind. The cheapskate thinks it is better to suffer than part with enough money to make the travel experience fun, and he or she will brag on return about how cheap his vacation was. Never share a meal with the cheapskate. The cheapskate will insist on eating at the sleaziest places available, and will brag about how much money "we are saving". Then after the meal is finished,  the cheapskate will announce that "I forgot my wallet at the hotel". Guess who gets stuck paying his tab.

Of course you and I never fit into any of these categories. It's the other guy with travel quirks....


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