I was thinking today about Santa Claus. No, not about asking
some fat, sweaty guy for material goods. I was instead thinking about
those mall Santa's, wondering what the kids who sit on their laps at
Christmas time ask him to bring for Christmas. After all, I am as old as
Santa, have an increasingly large waist, once played Santa in a
background shot of a TV movie, and I the white beard of a Santa. No need
to attach a fake beard on me!
But I wouldn't want to be a full time Santa. I think after an hour or so of runny nose brats coughing in Santa's face, peeing on his best red suit and questioning if he is "real" or not, I would have enough of that gig. My curiosity is as to what those kids ask Santa to bring them and about what they say to him when they sit on his lap. Given that many past Santa's have written books those thoughts in past years and we have those comments on file, I wonder if kids today ask and speak to Santa in much the same way as they did when you and I were the children pooing on Santa's red suit. Can we tell anything about both kids today and about society as a whole by comparing Santa talk now to earlier generations? Hmmm That might make a great psychology thesis for some fat white bearded, grad student.
Since I am not going to subject myself to being a mall Santa to find out the answer, I have to do what I do best, escape reality and imagine the answer to those questions. I'm guessing that today's kids are not only more spoiled and badly behaved but also allot harder to love. He are some things they used to tell Santa in ...say 1955 followed by what they probably say to Santa in 2012.
Then- On greeting Santa and sitting on his lap, "I love you Santa."
Now- "What's up Fatso"!
Then- " Santa anything you can give to my little brother would be wonderful. He is such a good boy.
Now- " Listen you piece of lard, if you give me clothes again this year I'll tell the police that you molested me.
Then- "I would love a candy cane, Santa."
Now- "You probably eat all the candy anyway, forget candy in the stocking this year. You really should lose some of that blubber, Fat man"
Then- "I will leave milk and cookies for you under the tree, Santa"
Now- "I scored some mary jane last week from a dealer. I'll leave you a few joints to help you digest all those stale cookies those kids leave."
Then- " Nothing for me, Dear Santa. I only want you to make mommy and daddy happy."
Now- " My parents are cheap misers. Give it to me all this year...in cash!
Then- "Santa, grandma is so sick that she lives with us. Please help make her well.
Now- " My creepy grandma moved in with us, smells and coughs all day. They claim she is sick. Just get rid of her and my life will be normal again."
Then- "I don't need any toys this year, just more love and happiness for the world."
Now- "This is just a preliminary list, blimp stomach. I will e mail you the rest later!"
On second thought, forget this crazy Santa idea of mine. Ho Ho Ho
But I wouldn't want to be a full time Santa. I think after an hour or so of runny nose brats coughing in Santa's face, peeing on his best red suit and questioning if he is "real" or not, I would have enough of that gig. My curiosity is as to what those kids ask Santa to bring them and about what they say to him when they sit on his lap. Given that many past Santa's have written books those thoughts in past years and we have those comments on file, I wonder if kids today ask and speak to Santa in much the same way as they did when you and I were the children pooing on Santa's red suit. Can we tell anything about both kids today and about society as a whole by comparing Santa talk now to earlier generations? Hmmm That might make a great psychology thesis for some fat white bearded, grad student.
Since I am not going to subject myself to being a mall Santa to find out the answer, I have to do what I do best, escape reality and imagine the answer to those questions. I'm guessing that today's kids are not only more spoiled and badly behaved but also allot harder to love. He are some things they used to tell Santa in ...say 1955 followed by what they probably say to Santa in 2012.
Then- On greeting Santa and sitting on his lap, "I love you Santa."
Now- "What's up Fatso"!
Then- " Santa anything you can give to my little brother would be wonderful. He is such a good boy.
Now- " Listen you piece of lard, if you give me clothes again this year I'll tell the police that you molested me.
Then- "I would love a candy cane, Santa."
Now- "You probably eat all the candy anyway, forget candy in the stocking this year. You really should lose some of that blubber, Fat man"
Then- "I will leave milk and cookies for you under the tree, Santa"
Now- "I scored some mary jane last week from a dealer. I'll leave you a few joints to help you digest all those stale cookies those kids leave."
Then- " Nothing for me, Dear Santa. I only want you to make mommy and daddy happy."
Now- " My parents are cheap misers. Give it to me all this year...in cash!
Then- "Santa, grandma is so sick that she lives with us. Please help make her well.
Now- " My creepy grandma moved in with us, smells and coughs all day. They claim she is sick. Just get rid of her and my life will be normal again."
Then- "I don't need any toys this year, just more love and happiness for the world."
Now- "This is just a preliminary list, blimp stomach. I will e mail you the rest later!"
On second thought, forget this crazy Santa idea of mine. Ho Ho Ho
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