The E Addicted Job Applicant

It's the time of the year when new college graduates dream of freedom from study and (if they can't get enough free stuff from the government) that awful four letter word that will curse them for the rest of their lives- work! Well, if a lazy man like me could graduate and spend a good portion of his life working, they can do it to. I feel no sympathy for them. However, I do have sympathy for the employers out there who have to hire this electronically addicted generation of graduates. Uh, I find it hard to believe college students today ever find enough time to get off their cell phones or face book pages and hunt for a job.

I was thinking...ok, that is never a good idea in my case. But while thinking I came up with the typical college grad job applicant profile. I mean the one who has spent four years playing with the endless time wasting technology with which he occupies himself rather than actually studying and learning a job related skill as a preparation for the future. I do like outrageously stupid profiling and this is what I came up with. Remember, I have moments of unreality sweep into small brain...Picture this applicant coming into your office for a job at your company as you interview him for the job position he knows just ought to be his.

E- (you, the employer interviewing him)- "Hi, Mr. Wilson. Congratulations on your recent graduation. Why should we hire you? How can you help our company sell more of our famous widgets?"

I- (recent grad interviewee)- " Ohm does this place make widgets? What's a widget? I've been on face book and twittering so much I missed that one."

E- "What?"

I- "Well, I could use social media to streamline company tasks in order to maximize profit."

E- "Don't you have the skills needed for the job we advertised."

I- "Define skills'?

E- "What"?

I " Well, I always have seen myself more as the idea man. You know, like Kim Kardashian or Snookie....those neat Reality TV stars who have such great ideas. I could be your next Snookie"?

E- "WHAT!!!! Uh, what about your phone skills?"

I- "Are you a dinosaur? Like phones are a dead technology in business. Why can't I E mail them instead. Have you considered blogging as a replacement for those land line phones I see?"

E- "This is a traditional company and we have traditional rules and regulations for our employees. Can you conform to that?"

I- "You people sure dress funny here. Look at those workers over there, in suits and ties. That is so 90's. I assume you have regular informal dress days where we can wear our pajama bottoms to the office. Hey! Where is the game room and where are the couches? At Intel they have them everywhere in the building. I can't work for a stuffy unconnected company"

E- "I see you have listed your list of collegian accomplishments. I see that you were voted best blogger on campus, that you were involved in co coordination numerous virtual green projects and that you acquired the complete mp3 collection of Gaga records without once paying for a download."

I- 'Yep! I bet nobody here can illegally download like me."

E- "Thank you for coming in for the interview, Mr. Wilson. We will contact you if we decide to hire you for the ;position."

I- "Forget it! This company is so stone age. Give the job to someone else. I kind of enjoy my life of sleeping until noon on my parents sofa and gaming on line all hours of the night. Who needs work!"