Sunday, December 18, 2011

A Santa Wish List

I think it's time to make my Santa wish list. These are things I think the world could use, but few others believe we need. Let's let Santa mediate and decide to bring or not bring them after his usual judicious examination of the facts. After all, Santa is the guy who wouldn't bring the bee gun the 10 year old wanted because "You'll shoot your eye out, if I give it to you."


Ok, Santa, here are five of the things I want the world to get for Christmas.
- Santa... to the hundreds of millions of people who now walk around with their heads down, staring blankly into their iPhones or BlackBerrys or whatever it is they're holding and chattering to endlessly, Do you have a cure for that, maybe a potion I can sprinkle on them to bring manners back to them and to make them see the real world they ignore? What a gift that would be. To see people's faces again and to see them realize there is another world besides the technological one.


- Hey, fat jolly guy in the red suit! How about gathering all those reality show contestants and dropping them into a real world situation. Let's see if they can survive in the trenches, away from the staged camera views the idiots who watch and worship those "stars" believe are real are reality.


- How about some individual gifts, Mr. Claus, to make some rather annoying or dangerous humans behave better. I suggest for the following people the follow gifts They need no explanation, Santa: Barrack Obama- truth serum, The Kardasian family- a one way ticket to the North Pole....please keep them there and out of site, Muslim haters- a Muslim vision, Christian haters- a Muslim vision, Global Warming zealots- a fan to cool off their nonsensical rhetoric, Save the planet advocates- a full color, step by step manual for them to use to save themselves first since they often are more lost than is the planet they wish to save, Lady Gaga- to balance her shooting star.... a falling star to bring some sense of reality to her image of self importance.


- Protester manuals for all the protesters throughout the world would be Santarific for us all. It might help explain why some protests are worthless (those 99% er occupy park protests in the U.S. for example) and others are noble (those who risk all, their lives included to bring down the dictators who rule them). If the protesters who protest "nothing" would read your manual, maybe they would go home and not come back until they have a reason to protest. This sure would make us appreciate real causes and real sacrifices like the real protesters give.


- Santa, if you can bottle and place under every Christmas tree the Christmas spirit that is pervasive around Christmas, the world might be a better place in which to live. Uh I'd even be willing to drink that nasty Christmas egg nog every day if you do it.

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