Bad Christmas Food

If you think fruitcakes can become stale and old, how about a 100 year old Christmas cake? In Minnesota a petrified, two layer, 7-inch cake baked just before Christmas 1911, was discovered in a closet in 1992 before an estate sale. As you can see by the photo below, the cake frosting has mostly disintegrated and the nuts on top are mummified. But the writing on the decorative mints is still readable.

According to a newspaper report in Minnesota, the cake was packed in a florist box with the handwritten inscription, "XMAS CAKE BAKED IN DEC. 1911" on the lid. On the bottom of the box, there was more handwritten inscription: "Xmas Cake Baked in Year 1911 by my Mother's Brother Alex died Dec. 27. Was operated on Xmas Day. Thus, the illness and subsequent death of Alex is the reason it was stored away in a closet and never eaten. (Allegedly, the world's oldest cake, still preserved in a museum in Vevey, Switzerland. The cake is sealed and vacuum-packed in the grave of an ancient Egyptian named Pepionkh.)

I am not sure what one would do with that 100 year old cake other than look at it. I'm not going to eat any of it, and I won't eat a few of the traditional Christmas foods that are traditional and made every Christmas season. As much as I love and over eat some Christmas foods, the hard Christmas candy, Stollen cake, Panetoni, Cheesecake, fruitcake, Christmas cookies etc.... There are some I don't want and would surely hide in my closet for at least 100 years if given any to eat. Here are five of them.

* Eggnog- adding booze to milk, cream, sugar and eggs will give any sane person an indigestion Christmas.
* Crema de Vie- This is a Cuban contribution and a form of eggnog that may be worst than eggnog itself. It is made with condensed milk, rum, sugar, cinnamon or vanilla, lemon rind, and egg yolk. Why would anyone want a variation of killer eggnog?
* Cans of cranberry sauce- You are supposed to put that sweet, gelatinous and unidentified goop on your turkey. Any turkey that needs that is probably too dry to eat anyway.
* Mincemeat pie- No wonder they claim England has terrible food. They gave us mincemeat and insist that it tastes good. Case closed! Mincemeat proves the stereotype of bad English food is true.
* Green bean casserole- Green beans, fried onions, and canned soup are mixed together and baked. RUN if you are served this.

I feel indigestion coming on and fear an eggnog nightmare...so I leave you with the mess above.