Kung Fu In The Sky

Airline travel is REALLY getting rough for the passengers these days. I'm not referring to those extra small seats, long delays, crazy charges added on to the cost of tickets, the lack of food served on airplanes, the frequent bump from flights, lost baggage, higher fares, fewer flights.....you already know about those passengers devils. But Hong Kong Airlines is now requiring its flight crews to learn a form of kung fu to deal with what it calls "nasty passengers". It seems that they will kung fu us now instead of bumping us from the flight. Delightful! Physical pain from flying too.

Hk Airlines says it averages three out-of-control passengers a week, and that delivering a kung fu blow might quiet them down and make the journey safer for everyone. I am not so sure. Training and encouraging fuing (is that a word?) among crew members could lead to some strange scenarios in passenger steward/stewardess relations.

"Oh, Stewardess, May I have a blanket?" WHOOP! (Oh my.,..she just fu'd that guy for asking)
"You are supposed to know that passengers must reserve and pay for blankets. There are no free blankets here."
WHOOP! (she got him again).
Two kungs for asking for a blanket. I hate to think what kind of treatment a passenger will get for using the rest room while the seat belt light is on.
"Sit down now" (says the hot the kung fu HKA Stewardess).
"But I have diarrhea. I have to go" , says the passenger.
Whoop! Whoop! Whoop! Oh my, three fu's and diarrhea everywhere in the plane...

Hey! After fuing the worst offenders, how about just installing and using ejection seats to send the nasty one on their way so the rest of us can be tortured in a more calm atmosphere? With the cracks forming in 737s these days, it should be an easy to do the ejection fu.

But if the flight crew will fu, what is to keep passengers from fuing too? I can envision an entire Jackie Chan fight scene on board when a passenger fails to turn off his cell phone in time. Haha The rest of the passengers could all sing that stupid 80's song, "Everybody was kung fu fighting" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jhUkGIsKvn0 while the battle ensues.

Flying might still not be much fun, but it will be more of an adventure with fuing going on. And after the king fu policy fails to subdue the drunks and other unruly passengers I can see the next brainstorm of those airlines that love to make us so uncomfortable. It's to arm the stewardesses with handguns. Hmmm Maybe they could play Dirty Harry music when they shoot the guy who sits in the wrong seat...