Weight Loss Pants

I got another one of those incredible spam E mails today that make life worth living. It's an ad for a product whose efficacy even the least intelligent of the species would have to question. Here is the claim by the seller. You judge whether you think this product might actually work as claimed.

"Zaggora's hip-hugging Hot Pants ($29 a pair) slim bodies by up to two jeans sizes in two weeks using a comfortable biceramic material that emits infrared rays to help wearers naturally and efficiently amp up weight loss regimens. The shorts' Celu-Lite technology smoothes thighs and other dimple prone areas by galvanizing the skin's internal zamboni to promote a deep warming of body tissues and promote lymphatic drainage. This process boosts sweating by up to 80% and aids in eliminating the toxins responsible for cellulite. Ladies can sport HotPants alone or under other clothing while awake and active, asleep in bed, or executing a series of high kicks when sleepwalking."

What? I had to investigate a few of the terms in that claim, since I am very much unsure about that jargon. But then, nonsensical high brow terms both confuse and seem to make the consumer believe more that the product "Must be good" if it uses the unclear processes in its ads. Thank God those pants are for women and I don't have to wear them. I am sure that I'd rather live with my fat than wear that. I did look on line for testimonials about that product but the ones I found seemed to be company generated and disingenuous.

So instead, I tried to decipher the code words used in the ad. One claim is that it uses "biceramic material that emits infrared rays". What I understand about that is that the "biceramic method" is an official sounding term that means just covering the skin with a material that makes the wearer sweat more (which, theoretically shapes the body area better). Didn't we used to wear "sweat suits" for that and not call them "biceramic"? No doubt, some users are impressed by the term. I am not. It is evasive and deceptive.

The ad also claims it uses Celu-Lite technology. This process was patented just a few months ago. In it, ceramic powders (chemical additives to the Zaggora HotPant product the person wears) are supposed to be materials that allow better body heat transfer (to the fat and cellulite to melt it by reflecting back to the skin the heat generated in exercising). So the claim is that the chemicals they use in the pants make you sweat more, and lose weight as a result. Didn't we used to just sweat ourselves with rigorous exercise? Are we so lazy we need a pair of HotPants to sweat us? But then the HotPants are supposed to make the a lady "look hot" and that part probably makes the consumer forget the silliness of the Celu-Lite technology claim.

The ad also talks about "lymphatic drainage" being increased when wearing the pants. Lymphatic drainage is a real process that helps lymph fluid move through the body that will reduce blockages of the lymphatic system, which in turn promotes a healthier body by breaking down toxins that the body can easily eliminate. Problem is, the lymphatic drainage from wearing those pants is so tiny as to be negligible. Where people really do get lymphatic drainage increase is in the time old ritual called- a manual massage. If you get a regular body massage you get far more lymphatic drainage than from wearing a pair of hot pants.

Hmmmm I suggest you not order a pair of those $29 pants. That you you can wear hot pants and lose weight while wearing them, I have my s deep doubts. I think I would rather believe in flying saucers than in that.