Black Friday Again

It's the day after Thanksgiving, the aptly named "Black Friday", a the day when most shoppers dash to the first Christmas store and on line shopping sales of the newly arrived Christmas shopping season. My newspaper on the day before Black Friday (Thanksgiving Day) is so weighted by advertisement supplements from merchants that it is 10 times its normal weight. I guess even the news of the world takes a back seat to Black Friday sale ads in newspapers here. Too, it's sad when store ads take precedence of the news of the world.

I won't and never participate in the Black Friday shopping frenzy because the sales they hold on Black Friday will be repeated many times again, and with even bigger discounts, throughout the Christmas shopping season. Black Friday sales are really a mirage. Still most shoppers know it. They simply like the sport of waking up before day break and waiting in mall lines to buy what they could purchase later for the same or better price. There is not logic to it. But then, there is little logic to the overall madness of shopping anyway.

Maybe all those shopping fanatics go so they don't have to eat the leftover Thanksgiving turkey and mashed potatoes that sits in their refrigerators. Everybody wants to eat turkey on Thanksgiving but no one wants it the next day. I bet you can't find any turkey sold at the mall the day after Thanksgiving. Look at what they eat at the mall and you will see it is everything except turkey.

The horde of shoppers may also be at the mall the day after Thanksgiving in order to escape crazy Aunt Maude and Uncle Fred, who always seem to want to spend the night at their relatives house after having their Thanksgiving dinner there. If I had an Uncle Fred walking around the house in his pajamas with a broken zipper in front displaying his love muscle and jewels and an Aunt Maude who talked non stop about her lumpy breasts, I'd also want to go to the mall while they visited. Someone should tell the newspaper advertisers this so they would not waste money on ads that try to entice consumers to head for the mall. They will shop ads or not, just to escape their nutty relatives.

Another thing people do on Black Friday is to decorate their houses for Christmas. This process begins with hauling numerous boxes (often the wrong ones, since the identification labels are never correct) out of the attic to locate those fifty year old broken Reindeer displays and melted Christmas candles.

Usually, the decorations the homeowner wants and is searching for can't be found. Instead, what turns up is 12 sets of Christmas lights, all of which are broken. Yes, all this means that some of those shoppers are not only fleeing leftover turkey and insane relatives, but also escaping to the mall from Christmas decoration attic duty.

Black Friday is also the day a few non shoppers decide to buy or cut their Christmas tree. That's a great deal more fun than the mall or the attic or eating turkey again, but the problem is that beautiful, sweet smelling Christmas tree bought too early will likely turn brittle, browning and smelly before the end of the Christmas holidays. One cardinal rule of Christmas tree buying/cutting is to never get one before three weeks prior to Christmas. But then, if the homeowner has an artificial tree in the attic and can venture into the attic for just that tree and not the broken Christmas lights, he or she has found the best strategy of all. Remember though, having an artificial tree is like having an artificial leg. Everyone knows it is a phony one and thinks much less of it than a real one.

I hope that I have given you all the information you need about Black Friday. Now that you know it, and if confronted with Black Friday, I suggest you, lock yourself in your bedroom Thanksgiving night, take a powerful sleeping pill and wake up only in time for a normal Saturday.

Thanksgiving Thanks Time

At Thanksgiving time we are supposed to give thanks for various blessings in our lives. Given that most people are too distracted to think about what is good for them, it's not bad idea to reflect. So I will do that for you today, but not about the normal, common, everlasting things we are obviously aware we should give thanks- our family, people who are special in our lives, having enough economic means to live comfortable, our good health, the laughter we hear every day etc. I want to reflect on things that are less timeless, current ones, yet just as important as the ones I just listed as everlasting.

Most of them are serious ones, but some may seem frivolous. That's because life is both serious and frivolous. Those who live in either world (the serious and frivolous) too much suffer as a result. Here are a few of things I am thankful about this year.

* That I am not addicted to the modern technology that has enthralled and enslaved most of humanity today. I have no cell phone, no I pod or I pad, no electronic readers, not anything at all except a land line phone a regular TV and a desktop computer. They give me pleasure without addiction and I am certain if I had none of them I would be just as happy as without them. Yet, I see so many others whose happiness depends on their being "connected'" during every awakened minute of their lives.

* That I am neither a fan of reality media nor a reality "star". I just don't like them or what they stand for and wouldn't ever want to be one or to waste a precious second of my life observing them. In short, I give thanks that I am, like so many others, not too involved with popular culture, so much so that if I were I would live my entire life within it and miss the real and better world outside of common culture.

* That I am not anybody running for president or holding high political office. I wonder who today would willingly want to subject themselves to the vicious mud-slinging and character assassination that goes on in the presidential race or the hateful criticisms and venom spewed once elected. I am thankful not to be or end up a Gaddafhi or Saddam, nor to face a life of infamy as George Bush must do each day.

* That political correctness still eludes me. I don't believe in the silly, but trendy, not Global Warming nor the campaign against "bad foods" (the ones that taste good). I am happy I don't feel any guilt over the fact that I believe that I don't have to "save the planet" or apologize to anyone for not being born a minority member in my country.

* That I am not a Muslim female living in a fundamentalist nation. Uh, I don't think any explanation beyond that sentence is needed.

* That I appreciate the past and treasure many of what remains from it. I think having historical reference and appreciate helps me to discern the important from the trivial, the substance from the flash.

Perhaps you can relay to me some modern things for which you give thanks. If so, I can only say "thanks".

Weight Loss Pants

I got another one of those incredible spam E mails today that make life worth living. It's an ad for a product whose efficacy even the least intelligent of the species would have to question. Here is the claim by the seller. You judge whether you think this product might actually work as claimed.

"Zaggora's hip-hugging Hot Pants ($29 a pair) slim bodies by up to two jeans sizes in two weeks using a comfortable biceramic material that emits infrared rays to help wearers naturally and efficiently amp up weight loss regimens. The shorts' Celu-Lite technology smoothes thighs and other dimple prone areas by galvanizing the skin's internal zamboni to promote a deep warming of body tissues and promote lymphatic drainage. This process boosts sweating by up to 80% and aids in eliminating the toxins responsible for cellulite. Ladies can sport HotPants alone or under other clothing while awake and active, asleep in bed, or executing a series of high kicks when sleepwalking."

What? I had to investigate a few of the terms in that claim, since I am very much unsure about that jargon. But then, nonsensical high brow terms both confuse and seem to make the consumer believe more that the product "Must be good" if it uses the unclear processes in its ads. Thank God those pants are for women and I don't have to wear them. I am sure that I'd rather live with my fat than wear that. I did look on line for testimonials about that product but the ones I found seemed to be company generated and disingenuous.

So instead, I tried to decipher the code words used in the ad. One claim is that it uses "biceramic material that emits infrared rays". What I understand about that is that the "biceramic method" is an official sounding term that means just covering the skin with a material that makes the wearer sweat more (which, theoretically shapes the body area better). Didn't we used to wear "sweat suits" for that and not call them "biceramic"? No doubt, some users are impressed by the term. I am not. It is evasive and deceptive.

The ad also claims it uses Celu-Lite technology. This process was patented just a few months ago. In it, ceramic powders (chemical additives to the Zaggora HotPant product the person wears) are supposed to be materials that allow better body heat transfer (to the fat and cellulite to melt it by reflecting back to the skin the heat generated in exercising). So the claim is that the chemicals they use in the pants make you sweat more, and lose weight as a result. Didn't we used to just sweat ourselves with rigorous exercise? Are we so lazy we need a pair of HotPants to sweat us? But then the HotPants are supposed to make the a lady "look hot" and that part probably makes the consumer forget the silliness of the Celu-Lite technology claim.

The ad also talks about "lymphatic drainage" being increased when wearing the pants. Lymphatic drainage is a real process that helps lymph fluid move through the body that will reduce blockages of the lymphatic system, which in turn promotes a healthier body by breaking down toxins that the body can easily eliminate. Problem is, the lymphatic drainage from wearing those pants is so tiny as to be negligible. Where people really do get lymphatic drainage increase is in the time old ritual called- a manual massage. If you get a regular body massage you get far more lymphatic drainage than from wearing a pair of hot pants.

Hmmmm I suggest you not order a pair of those $29 pants. That you you can wear hot pants and lose weight while wearing them, I have my s deep doubts. I think I would rather believe in flying saucers than in that.

The Christmas Creep

I think Christmas must be trying to kill Thanksgiving because Christmas seems to creep more and more into Thanksgiving that we it's taking over the turkey and trimmings.. The so called Christmas Creep is the phenomenon that leads more and more retailers to push their Christmas and other holiday goods out onto the floor before the first Halloween trick-or-treater's even hit the street on October 31st.

Even before the sale (the day after Halloween, Nov.1) on Halloween candy begins many stores have Christmas candy for sale as well. Sigh....I fear that while riding and trapped in an elevator that I may one summer day hear "We Wish You a Merry Christmas". It used to be there was a big day after Thanksgiving sale for Christmas shoppers, one day only and limited to the major retailers. now there is a huge Thanksgiving Day (no turkey eating allowed, because there is shopping for sales at the mall instead), now there is a national holiday shopping rite starting Thanksgiving Day and extending every day thereafter driven by alleged" sales". Retailers are hoping an early jump on promotions will allow them to steal some business from competitors who aren't yet offering similar deals. I wonder if Christmas has just morphed into one huge shopping frenzy.

Many shoppers love the idea of a Christmas Creep and a bigger Christmas shopping season. They pull out decorations after Halloween and throw Christmas at us before we welcome it. A BrandIndex survey conducted this year shows that one-third of shoppers had already started shopping for holiday gifts. Nearly half expected to start before Thanksgiving. (What happened to the male shopping idea, the one that says why worry about gift shopping until Christmas week?).

What I liked most about Thanksgiving was the quiet lull before the storm of shopping ads. Thanksgiving is supposed to remind us to be more laid back and appreciative of what we have. Not to lust after material goods even earlier than previously. There are radio stations all over the nation now that start playing Christmas music after Halloween instead of after Thanksgiving. One national TV network (Hallmark TV) starts programming an all Christmas program schedule to start on the day after Halloween.

I don't think the Christmas Creep will slow down, so forget turkey and pumpkin pie and instead, start making plumb pudding and eggnog. Retailers are so desperate for holiday shopping dollars that they'll try just about anything to get a bigger chunk , including killing and burying Thanksgiving. It's something to NOT give thanks for this year.

Censoring Cell Phones

There seems to be a trend now by governments or government agencies to temporarily suspend cell phone usage in public places when a "threat to public safety" is present. It's because the flash mob cell phone coordinated protests are very successful in mobilizing mobs who may or may not be hostile and a danger to the public. The best example of flash protests was in the London riots in which thugs used their cell phones to coordinate looting and violence in the name of "protesting".

Shutting cell phones down over an entire city isn't feasible. But this isn't true for controlling those cell addicts in more contained places. The latest example of that was in San Francisco. San Francisco Bay Area Rapid Transit officials said they shut down power one evening to cellular towers for stations stretching from downtown to the San Francisco's airport after learning protesters planned to use mobile devices to coordinate its demonstration. And it worked. The protests did not happen.

The question of such a blocking of cell phones brings about the question of whether governments have the right to be censor that way. Was this action about free speech or was it about public safety? Does the government have the right to cut off the free flow of information, even when it has reports that violence may happen to the public if it does not suspend cell access, as the San Fran transit says? (But does the threat it has to be an immediate threat, not just the mere supposition that there might be one as in the case of the San Fran decision?).

Then there are the cell addicts who can't live even a few minutes without their phones. They can't imagine the days when cell phones were not present and claim they would be unable to function or placed in risk without their phones. It's hard to believe being without a cell phone while riding a subway is a great sacrifice. But in the age in which we live, The Technologically Addicted Generation, even doing that is unimaginable to the addicts.

The danger of blocking cell phones in one small instance like this one is that the government may try to use cell blocking as a general policy for any perceived "threat". From my view, censorship is surely worse than protection from threats that may or may not be real. As much as I hate cell phones and think society would be a kinder, gentler, more intelligent place without them, censoring them based on conjecture is like burning down the barn to kill the rats.

What's Funny

One of the more subjective things in our lives is humor. What's funny to me might be serious to you. Uh, as in my comment that your new and dear hat is an abomination that only Elton John would wear. I mean it as joke, but your love of that hat just causes hurt and resentment when I point out its look. It's an extreme example, but it does illustrate that humor is hard to define.

I laughed readily when I saw the internet video sensation of the woman walking in a shopping mall, so absorbed in her cell phone, that she fell into the mall water fountain. No doubt she didn't think it was funny. Humor is the juxtaposition of the real and hard to believe, or the more simply, the tragic and the typical. To make us laugh, something has to touch some emotion we have. But we don't all react the same way emotionally.

Here are some things that I think are funny and some I think not funny. I bet you will disagree on quite a few. Funny to me would be Benny Hill. Not funny is Jim Carey. I think someone passing gas in church is hysterical, and I will laugh loudly when it happens but passing gas at a football game isn't funny to me. The old Laurel and Hardy films are a riot for me. But watching a Jerry Seinfeld monologue is a pain in the rear. I never laugh at that guy's jokes. When ex President George Bush used to mangle the language while speaking in public I laughed at his lack of ability to use English. But I am sure his supporters didn't laugh at all.

Comic Steve Martin is almost always funny to me. I think I anticipate he will be funny and start laughing before he even starts his joke. When Rosanne Barr comes on stage I already have determined not to laugh, a kind of negative predetermination I have toward her. It's because "I just don't think she is funny"

Having a funny attitude is a positive way of viewing life and one's role in the world. A good sense of humor has many benefits, from personal happiness to making one more likable to others. It also is healthy to see the lighter side of life, particularly when there is darkness all around. And that's no joke.

The Simpler The Better

The changing technology of the world and the rapid changes it brings is too much with me. I often want to escape, flee from the mindless, robotic existence in which most of us live... as we are driven and controlled by whatever technology has a hold of each of our souls. What I do to get away, besides dreaming of the time when our lives were simpler and better, is to go back to the old time favorites. So today I want to tell you some of my old time favorites. Maybe you have some of your own. and perhaps they are older or not nearly as old as mine. But whatever yours are, I assume they all can give you the same feeling of comfort that I get when participating in mine.

When I watch the cell addicts chattering away and can't take it anymore, one nostalgia that whisks me from it is to listen to the radio. Yep! Radios still exist and a few people still like listening to them. The radio invigorates the imagination like too few other technologies do. When, for example, you listen to a sporting event on the radio, you create the players and the field of play with your imagination. The game seems bigger than life and the listener is more involved in it. And music! I love not being able to control what song appears next. With the radio your only escape from a Mariah Carey song is to turn it off or try to find another channel, two things most people don't like to do too often. So radio makes us more tolerant of what is played, more willing to listen to what our preconceptions say we won't like. That is good.

I know you are thinking "but the sound of radio is inferior". But life is less about sound and more about peace of mind. The simple technology gives me far more peace of mind because people who use it are far more civil when they do. They are far more involved in the content than in being enamored with the technology, the end rather than the process. Is not the addiction of humans to technology today disconnecting them for appreciation of the more subjective elements of their lives? I think so. Why not ditch the latest gadget in your arsenal once in a while and do something grandma used to do for entertainment.

As an example, if you don't have one, how about getting a simple ice cream making machine and making strawberry ice cream with it. Those gadgets are still sold, in simple form and require the user to be a whole lot more attentive and invested when using them than the person tweeting on his phone. One forgets tweets as soon as they are sent, but could anyone forget their own creamy strawberry ice cream?

Why is it our "happiness level" that those public opinion polls measure continuing to fall as our technological preoccupation increases? I think there is a correlation. Why not give up a little of your technology time today and invest it in some activity that people liked to do 20, 40, even 50 years ago. I will walk today...just walk...not like the addicts who are plugged into their phones, mp3's, ipods etc. They are clue less and polluting their walks. I'll walk and just think (remember when people used to think for themselves?), probably about little things that aren't important.

But at least I will free my self from the chains of modernity, and it will remind me that I am not a product of some technology. I am human. Oh, I can hear the birds calling me right now.

Curses Or Not

Are people using obscene language more today? I wonder about that, because I surely hear allot of it. As a group, in particular, I think teenagers use profanity more often and too casually because society seems to think it's ok to curse. Well, I think it's not. I don't curse, never had, and probably learned that habit from my parents and other relatives, who also never cursed and imparted the idea that cursing is not only offensive language, but a poor substitute for the use of higher language. They always told me that small minds use four letter words because those small minds don't know enough other words.

I don't claim to be a saint because I don't curse. The rumor is I have many other faults. And surely, people who use profanity might have fewer other faults than people who don't curse. But cursing is like a slap in the face to the listener. It says, "I don't respect you, so I will be profane in front of you." If we demand our children not curse at home and in school, why do we remain silent when adults curse in front of us? Are we not deserving of respect too?

Probably, the commonality of profanity and the general acceptance of "dirty language" is a reflection of the permissiveness in society as a whole. There are far fewer things today that people are not allowed to do, so cursing also gets a free pass from most of society's members. When was the last time you heard one adult berate another for cursing? Probably never. Instead, we just keep quiet and listen to the filth because "almost everyone curses". Society once viewed cursing as a more (serious matter) but now sees it as a folkway (non serious one). It is a pity because cursing is not nice and not nice is not good for us.

Language is the highest form of communication in a society. Should it not be used carefully, respectfully and with civility? How can any society be civil if the members are given sanction to use uncivil language? One need only examine the mediums of communication, as in TV, to see the coarseness used and accepted as normal today.

Oh well, you probably don't give a ---- about this anyway.

In Car Entertainment

I think driving an automobile these days is an adventure. It's not just turning the ignition on and coasting to wherever the destination is. Today, cars and drivers are using their vehicles for entertainment. But then, in China recently, a 60 mile traffic jam lasted 11 days. Hmmm Those clogged roads might make watching DVD's in the car logical...uh, for the passengers, not the drivers.

We drive more than ever and have started to see our cars as entertainment centers. You know, as in the driver who chats on a cell phone, puts on make-up, listens to the radio (and to the mother-in-law jabbering away in the back seat) and munches on his fast food purchase he acquired through the drive through window of that fast food restaurant he used as a pit stop on his journey to wherever.

Take a look at the drivers of automobiles on roads today and you will see many operating their cars with little attention to their driving. I think the smiling giggling phone operating driver is now the rule rather than the exception. Need an example? An Ohio woman now faces a charge of "driving with inappropriate alertness" after she was pulled over for having illegal tinted windows. Police discovered her with a sex toy in her lap. Colondra Hamilton, 36, was wearing unzipped pants and watching a sex video on a computer her passenger was holding. Haha Thank God I don't drive in Ohio.

What is one to do about the crazies driving while distracted. Forget about riding on a horse to ensure safety instead. Police in Utah, a state right next to my own state of Oregon, say a woman there was riding her horse along a road when she was struck by a distracted driver. Here are some facts about distracted drivers that I obtained from the Internet.

Research on distracted driving reveals some surprising facts:

• 20 percent of injury crashes in 2009 involved reports of distracted driving. (NHTSA).
• Of those killed in distracted-driving-related crashed, 995 involved reports of a cell phone as a distraction (18% of fatalities in distraction related crashes). (NHTSA)
• In 2009, 5,474 people were killed in U.S. roadways and an estimated additional 448,000 were injured in motor vehicle crashes that were reported to have involved distracted driving. (FARS and GES)
• The age group with the greatest proportion of distracted drivers was the under-20 age group – 16 percent of all drivers younger than 20 involved in fatal crashes were reported to have been distracted while driving. (NHTSA)
• Drivers who use hand-held devices are four times as likely to get into crashes serious enough to injure themselves. (Source: Insurance Institute for Highway Safety)
• Using a cell phone use while driving, whether it’s hand-held or hands-free, delays a driver's reactions as much as having a blood alcohol concentration at the legal limit of .08 percent. (Source: University of Utah

Uh, maybe I should just leave my car in the garage today and stay home.

Autographs

The value of a celebrity autograph is a curiosity to me. I just don't understand why a person's signature is so dear to so many. The market is driven by two things, the rarity of the autograph and the celebrity of the signer. The most valuable autograph of a living being today would surprise you. It's not from the kind of celebrity that gets media attention. Instead, it is the former astronaut and first man to set foot on the moon, Neil Armstrong. His autograph is worth more than $6000. It seems that Armstrong doesn't sign autographs, so if you have one of his you can get rich quick by selling it to one of those autograph collectors ("philogaphy" is the term for the collecting of autographs).

Comedian Steve Martin avoids signing autographs by using his wit. He carries business cards which he hands to fans requesting an autograph. The cards reads, "This certifies that you have had a personal encounter with me and that you found me warm, polite, intelligent and funny.

The current celebrity who signs more autographs than any other is George Clooney. George thinks it is a duty to sign for anyone who asks. But many other celebrities think it is too time consuming or that the person asking is profiting from the autographs. So many refuse to sign. The former Beatle, Ringo Starr, recently announced he wouldn't sign autographs anymore because it took up too much of his time to do so.

But wait before buying a collection of autographs! The FBI did a study of the sale of autographs and found that 70% of those sold on line are fakes. Celebrities sometimes authorize secretaries or someone else to sign their for them. This, the use of "auto pens" and outright forgery of autographs by crooks accounts for many of the fakes being sold to collectors. That's why authenticators are used to verify if the signature is genuine. The value of a person's autograph will often rise rapidly after their death. This is known in the collectibles industry as "James Dean Effect", after the late actor who died very young and without signing many autographs. I read recently that a legitimate James Dean Autograph will sell for about $15,000.

Oh, if you want my autograph I'll gladly give it to you for what it's worth....absolutely nothing.

No More Babies, Please

OOPS! The world just reached a record total of 7 billion inhabitants. But I am not celebrating. In fact, I have been ranting about too many people in this too small planet for a long time. The reality is the population growth today is out of control. Worldwide, people numbered 1 billion just a bit more than two centuries ago. One century ago it was 1.6 billion, not a huge growth. But by 1950 the world population was 2.5 billion and by 2000 it was an astounding 6 billion. By 2025, the United Nations predicts, the world will have to have the resources to support 8 billion people, many of them desperately poor, malnourished and uneducated. It may not be able to do it without widespread, death, famine, disease and war.

Birth rates are relatively low in Western Europe, The United States Japan and Russia. The two nations with the populations India and China have mightily reined in family size with limitations on the number of children allowed.. But that can do little to offset the situation in sub-Saharan Africa, a vast region in which high birth countries such as Uganda are driving the rise in population as poverty and hunger kill more of their young and old. The lack of education of those populations as to the burden of having to many children, the cultural prohibitions against birth control, and the corrupt governments there mean that Africa is nightmare case for reigning in the excess population.

The most recent population jump is due to more than just advances in agricultural technology making food sources more available. There is also the decrease in death due to advances in medicine and sanitation, the "save the children" style programs that gives food and medicine to the poorest nations (who also have the biggest population growth). What has not also happened is the implementation of family planning and birth control in the under developed areas of Africa and Asia that create the bulk of the huge population increases.

Stresses worldwide, meanwhile, intensify; high energy and food prices, insufficient food production and distribution, rivers and aquifers pollutes or drying up from overuse (By 2025 roughly 1.8 billion of the world's people will live in regions marked by severe water scarcity). And all the while the excess population threatens the world, it's population is alarmed by nonsense like global warming, excess carbon foot prints and other theories that are silly or trendy but not nearly the catastrophic prophesy of the reality we have now of too many people stressing too few resources.

Runaway population deepens the divide between the wealthier people of the developed world, who can buy their way out of shortages and crowding, and the poor of the undeveloped nations, who often face few to no options when things run out. Aside from the foolish waste of energy on "global warming" and other distractions, this circumstance alone works against the idea that reduced personal consumption can ease the impact of so many people being born and stressing the resources of the earth.

So it makes it unlikely that there will ever be population planning in the poor nations nations where there is now none. Reaching the 7 billion population figure should be a wake-up call for the world. But it is almost totally unrecognized as being the only true environmental problem today that could destroy earth. The United Nations, along with non government organizations battling worldwide poverty and disease, should step up to educate the world about the problem, and assist the nations with out of control population growth levels to making having babies there a more responsible and less frequent occurrence.

Want to bet that they will not?

Should Animals Be Legally Equal To Humans

If by chance you don't know what the organization PETA stands for, it's "People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals', a powerful and worthy group that works for the noble cause of preventing cruelty toward animals. But sometimes doing the right thing morphs into doing the extreme. That's because PETA is accusing the SeaWorld parks (I think there are a number of those Sea Work parks all over the world) of keeping performing whales in conditions that "violate the 13th Amendment of the U.S. Constitution's ban on slavery". PETA wants whales to be defined as people so they can not be "enslaved". Oh my....the family pet may be able to sue his or her owners if this suit is allowed.

Sea World says the suit is baseless. But PETA is still asking a U.S. federal court to grant constitutional rights to five killer whales who perform at Sea World an, unprecedented legal action that is making a more intense debate about the subject of animal rights. The chances of the suit succeeding are almost zero because the 13th amendment was written for humans held in slavery in the 19th century, and in no way can it be interpreted as written to include animals. So it appears that PETA just wants the subject of animal rights to be publicized, not a bad goal in the end.

At present in the U.S., animals under human control are considered property, not entities with legal standing of their own. They are afforded protections against cruel treatment through animal cruelty laws, endangered species regulations and the federal Animal Welfare Act, but they are not given a distinct set of constitutional rights as humans are.

Hmmmm I can just see it, animals with equal constitutional rights to humans. It could be interesting. That means, for instance, that sloppy pig wallowing in the mud can instead have his slop fed at a restaurant table right next to you. Well, I have sat next to some humans who were dirtier than pigs, and that scenario wouldn't bother me. But I don't want a pig lawyer filing suit against me for having bacon with my eggs!

If animals are given equal rights to humans, no more pets for us. I wonder what will happen when all the cats and dogs are "set free" and left to fend for themselves? It could be messy on those neighborhood lawns. And I don't think I can stand being a vegetarian. I may lose so much weight I'll become normal. Haha It's too much. And what will those fast food places do if they can't serve meat or fish? Maybe a vegetable will also sue for equal legal standing and we will have to drunk water and eat grub worms (assuming the grub worm lawyers don't also sue for equality).

Got a roach or rat problem? Better learn to live with it because you won't be able kill them either. (Hmmm I would die of embarrassment if I had to tell anyone I went to jail for successfully using a rat trap) And I wonder if we will be able to harvest plant by-products like cotton in order to make our clothes? I don't mind going around naked like the "other animals", but you probably might want to wear a blindfold when I am in the room.

Sigh...I probably should send a thank you note to PETA for standing up for animal rights. But frankly, I'd rather bite them.

Celebrity Marriage

Reality TV "star" Kim Kardashian, one of those people famous for nothing, recently announced her marriage of a grand total of 72 days is over because of "irreconcilable differences". Wow! That wedding cost $10. I don't know much about Kim, as I have never seen her on a reality show (I don't watch them) but she must be famous for having an idiotic TV show that lasted longer than her marriage. Even my marriage lasted longer than 72 days.

But alas! Kim's poor excuse for a marriage is actually is a long one compared to some other Hollywood celebrities. Remember when Britney Spears (who has about an equal amount of talent to Kim Kardashian, I think) married that Jason Alexander guy. That marriage lasted only 55 hours. And another one of dubious talent, Drew Barrymore was married to a man for only about a month some years ago.

It's not just the no talented celebrities that have short lived marriages. Former NBA basketball star Dennis Rodman was married to the indescribable Carmen Electra for only nine days. It just goes to show that the life span of a typical celebrity relationship is more often shorter than that of a really bad fad …uh... like , sued jackets or MySpace. Statistics show that about 90% of celebrity marriages end in divorce.

Well, celebs have very busy lives and don't make enough time for their relationship. Also, some Hollywood couples cannot survive the limelight, the lack of privacy and are put under pressure which puts further pressure on their relationship. Too, those "stars" have big egos that translate into their loving themselves more than they can love anyone else. And, let's face it (and Kim may be in this category), some celebrities marry for the attention it gives their career.

I guess it just proves that when it comes to marrying a film star there is often no Hollywood happy ending.

Anyone Can Vote Here

How out of control is illegal immigration in the United States? One way to find the answer is to look at the latest Obama administration absurdity on the subject. First it was an order by his administration a couple of months ago to immigration police that they are not permitted to enforce immigration laws and may not arrest and deport illegals unless they have committed a felony, then the Obama administration ordered that identification such as drivers licenses would not longer be asked of a voter when he shows up at the polls to vote, and now it is an order from the president to require that 248 counties and other political jurisdictions in 25 states (those states are over-run with illegal immigrants) provide bilingual ballots to Hispanics and other minorities who speak little or no English.

Yep! They are going to print election ballots in Spanish so the non English speaking illegal immigrants will vote for Obama in the Presidential election next year. Never mind that it encourages voter fraud, that a person who can't speak or understand English should not vote for candidates and issues with which he or she is totally uninformed due to the lack of English skills, and that those Mexicans and other Hispanics who illegally immigrated here should be speaking English because, if they are a naturalized citizens, english fluency is a requirement to become a citizen under the naturalization process that gives one voting rights.

If a person who is a citizen in an English speaking country like the U.S. can't read and write English he or she shouldn't be allowed to vote. One who doesn't understand the language of the nation, can not be an informed voter, as everything he knows about the issues involved in the election is being filtered for that "voter". What other country in the world provides other language ballots? None!

So, the U.S. government that requires foreigners to know enough English to become a citizen, now assumes that a citizen may not be proficient enough anyway to vote? It's crazy. Since Obama is in grave danger of losing the next election, by pandering to the Hispanic vote this way he may be able to eke out another win. In essence, he is throwing his country in the trash in order to be re elected. His justification that federal law, the Voting Rights Act, mandates bilingual ballots doesn't play out though. No president has "enforced" that provision like this one is now, and the law may be unconstitutional, anyway. It has never been tested with a challenge in court.

In order to vote one must be a citizen, yet illegal immigrants often forge documents to circumvent the law. Thus, the many illegals who already vote will be joined with more illegals in the voting both, encouraged by this Obama mandate. Surely, they will all vote for Obama and his regime, given that one favors their plight.

People can live here without learning a word of English. That's their prerogative. However, if you want the right to vote, you must become a citizen. And in order to be a full functioning citizen, you must learn the language. To me, it's obvious. Besides, why Spanish? I know that it is a large minority, but I also feel that if you are German or Thai or Italian descent, then you might ask yourself if are you then being discriminated against?

Twenty 23 U.S. states have passed English only voting rules, and all have been upheld by the U.S. courts, but the 27 states that have not are subject to Obama's non English ballot mandate. In the end they may see the outcomes of elections there determined by the votes of illegal immigrants. people illegally in the state controlling the politics of it. How sad is that?

Tattoo Barbie

Guess who now has a tattoo, or many tattoos if you would prefer her that way and apply the extras to her? It's Barbie. Yep, the same Barbie that girls a have been playing with for more than 50 years. Then newest version of the doll comes with a bunch of sticker tattoos the child can apply on her forehead and neck or in unmentionable spots to make her look....well..."seedy". Barbie-maker Mattel has said the tattooed Barbie provides a way for kids to "be creative" with the doll.
The 'Totally Stylin' Barbie also comes with a fake tattoo gun and ink tattoos so the child can apply tattoos to themselves.

The reaction from parents isn't particularly endearing. Tattooing may be more mainstream for many adults now, but children should never tattoo their bodies. There is a suggestion that this Barbie does encourage "deviant behavior". Being somewhat deviant myself I have been pondering some suggestions for Mattel to take this whole realistic movement in Barbie over the top. So here are my suggestions for more alternative lifestyle Barbies that Mattel can try to sell.

* Biker Barbie- This one wears the dirty Hell's Angel outfits and is a used women for more than 20 bikers. Mattel can claim that Barbie is merely a "lover of motorcycles"
* Tranny Barbie- "Is it Barbie or is it Ken"? Parents can be advised it view this one as a lesson for little girls in "perceptions".
* Obese Barbie- This Barbie isn't the long, lean blonde we have come to know. She is more in the mode of Rosanne Barr or Queen Latifa. The doll can be a nutrition lesson for the little ones, but comes with play donuts, chips and super sized burgers that fit neatly in Barbie's mouth.
* Terrorist Barbie- Just what any Muslim child would want. This shadar and thobe wearing Barbie shows no skin, but plenty of guns and explosives are in full view. What a great recruiting tool this will be for all Muslim parents!
* Drug Dealing Barbie- Forget designer dolls. This one is a designer dope dealer. In this modern world when mom and dad are so medicated on their legal drugs, why not provide little Sarah with the drug awareness education she will need to also become addicted to legal or illegal drugs?
* Pierced Barbie- Nothing better than turning sweet Barbie into a heavy metal slut. The boys might even play with this one!
* Hooker Barbie- This one comes with a large pack of condoms and can be marketed as a sex education tool for the little ones. Who wouldn't want Barbie to be their sex ed instructor?

Now....if they would just sell some contemporary Ken dolls too...

Cemetery Visits

I visited Portland's Lone Fir Cemetery on Halloween Eve. It's the oldest cemetery in the city, one with some historical interest and the first I have been to here. I was interested in the history that cemeteries tell us, and in seeing how cemeteries here differ from those in New Orleans (mostly it's that they bury below ground here and New Orleans buries above). I attended in conjunction with a tour of the cemetery that was offered. So today you get some of my reflections about that visit.

Prices of graveyards have fallen sharply in recent years. New supply isn't a concern because few non military cemeteries are being developed. The American people are now weighing other options besides a formal cemetery grave, the most common being cremation and the placement of the ashes in urns the loved ones who survive keep at their own discretion. I guess foregoing burial is a good idea in that the space cemeteries take up could be better utilized by the living. But having monuments to those who have ended their lives is a good thing too. It reminds us of our mortality and makes us think about the greater issues of life, something too few people do in this world of high tech hurry and lack of substance.

The plan for me after my death is to be placed in a mausoleum in New Orleans that has a family place that was purchased by my grandfather for the family some time ago. I can wait for that, though! I prefer to continue haunting while alive than haunting from the grave. Every culture has a distinct style of cemetery and historically, the wealthy usually have the nicer crypts that we view today when we visit a cemetery. I guess the place of wealth in burial is still that way today. The poor are buried in an inconspicuous manner and the wealth opulently, the same condition as they lived when both were alive. But there are also many "common" cemeteries. In Najaf, Iraq, for instance, is the world's largest and most egalitarian cemetery. It is estimated more than half a million corpses are interred in the cemetery each year.

I won't go into the specific types of cemeteries and graves out there, but there are many variations. The Lone Fir cemetery I viewed was a standard one except for the unusual grave sites of the Russian Americans buried there. Every one of those tombstones had a photograph image of the deceased etched on the headstone (usually black stones) of each grave. That's a little too personal for me. There were quite a few of those tombstones in that cemetery and they seemed to clash with the traditional type (19th and early 20th century style) that dominated in the cemetery. Those Russian graves seemed like intruders or visitors to the place.

One other thing this cemetery had that most New Orleans cemeteries don't is the liberal use of towering trees. The very name of the cemetery 'Lone Fir' refers to the fact that in the mid 1800's it was set aside as a burial site and only one tree was allowed to remain when the land site cleared for use....the lone fir of the cemetery's name. But in the 150 years or so since the site was started there have been many huge firs and pines planted that offer a beautiful shady canopy for the cemetery. The long vertical roots of the Pacific West native tree species allow for planting of many trees there since the roots go downward and will not interfere with the grave sites.

This left me with the impression, if Lone Fir is typical of them all, that Portland cemeteries are peaceful and beautiful sites as opposed to the New Orleans style which is more eclectic, mysterious and.....in the style of New Orleans....believe it or not....humorous. Regardless, visiting a cemetery is good not so much for the body, but rather for exercising the mind and soul. The past that lays there focuses us on our own present and future which proves that burials are really more for the survivors than the interred.

All Saint's Day

I grew up as a Roman Catholic, so November 1st was more than the day after Halloween, the one in which we gorged on our bags of trick or treat candy. November 1st is also All Saints Day. Some denominations of Christian religion besides Catholics also have patron saints....plenty of them. A patron saint is the guy or gal (there are a few women Saints not counting the still human kind a husband declares of their wife when wanting favors from her.."Darling you're a saint").

Saints have the job of advocating in heaven for a certain person, activity, location, or illness. Because patron saints transcend into the metaphysical once canonized, they are able to carry out certain tasks and focus on certain needs when it comes to their own special patronage. It's sort of what politicians promise to do for us if we vote for them. I am not saint. But you already knew that. Some who believe in saints think that it's better to pray to a saint than to pray to God, because it shows that they are seeking an intercession and not a direct answer from God (the only one less likely to answer a human entreaty is a politician, so don't waste your time asking or praying to one of those).

Maybe it is true we all have some sort of spirit on our side, since there seems to be a patron saint for anything and everything imaginable. If you are a Catholic All Saints Day is a "holy day of obligation", meaning you have to drag yourself and the kids away from the Halloween candy to attend a church mass in recognition of the saints. It sounds reasonable if you don't plan to also recognize some of the more odd choices that have been made into saints. Here are some of the saints, once canonized by the church, but maybe now are out of date. (If they can recall automobiles for defects, maybe they should recall these saints too)

* St. Ambrose (patron beekeeper saint) Saint Ambrose was given the title ‘Honey Tongued Doctor’ due to his ability to calm the crowds and preach the doctrine to many. He once compared female virgins to bees. I'm not sure the few virgins out there today would like that analogy.

* Saint Anthony the Abbot’ (patron saint of pigs and gravediggers) It's enough for me to explain the pig connection. I will leave the gravedigger aspect to your imagination. At the time of his life, many skin diseases were treated with applications of pork fat, which helped reduced inflammation and itching. As Anthony’s intervention aided in the same conditions, he was shown in artwork often accompanied by a pig So people who worked with swine quickly took him as their patron. I guess if you are especially fat, smelly or sloppy, St. Anthony is the one you need to pray to.

* St. Sebastian (patron saint of cranky children). This one converted to Christianity two very naughty boys and as a result, people though he was capable of handling any delinquent. I think if St.Sebastian were alive today he would be a very busy man with so many rotten kids out there in need of conversion. Just dealing with Lindsay Lohan would be a full time job.

* St. Clare of Assisi (patron of television)- Claire was made a saint in 1958, and is the modern tech saint. One day she was so sick could not attend mass. However, she was able to have a strong vision that she was in mass and claimed to have seen and heard mass on her wall (An early big screen TV?). This event led to her becoming a patron saint of TV as well as the saint of telephones, clairvoyance, eye diseases, and others. If Claire saw any of the reality garbage on TV today I think she would probably want to unplug the set and forget visions of any kind.

* St. Drogo (patron saint of ugly people)- On one pilgrimage one day Drogo became sick with an unsightly and unidentified bodily disorder that made him deformed. His looks frightened people in the town, so he had a holy cell built so that he could still attend church but not be seen. It is said that he lived only on water, no food, for 40 years. Telling someone he or she is ugly and needs a saint is weird in itself.
And to conclude the honor roll of odd saints I have one more, a guy who is proposed to be one.

* St. Isidore of Seville- In 1999 he was said to be the patron saint of the Internet because of his reputation for having a wide knowledge of information. I don't want to know if he would log on to adult sites if alive today, but what Internet Saint could escape a little Internet porn.

May you have a saintly day everyday....

After Trick Or Treating

Today I read a fact today about trick or treaters. About 36 million American kids between 5 and 14 costumed and indulged in trick or treating last year, according a report released this morning by the U.S. Census Department. That's 93% of all the kids in the country that went trick or treating. But get this. More than half of all U.S. adults below age 40 say they would trick or treat too if the neighbors weren't against it. I like that half. If 60 year olds can still dance in public why can't 40 year olds extort candy from other grown-ups once a year.

Hmmmm I think the adults are as childish as kids are, just afraid to show it. It's a pity we have so many inhibitions that are "age related". It adds up to many inhibitions we repressed. If you need another example to repressed behavior at Halloween try this fact. More than half of all adult in this country admit to hiding a candy treat from a family member to keep and eat for themselves. And, worse, about 1/4 of all adults admit to stealing candy from their child's trick or treat bag. I take some but announce I am doing it.

At least I only steal some of it. No peanuts or nuts of any kind for me. If you bring a trick or treat bag to my house all the peanut butter is safe. I hate that taste. Oh, candy surveys say women prefer chewy candy (they like chewing on things so when they start talking too much we men should hand them a chew candy treat to shut them up) and men like crunch. They both like chocolate the most. when kids are surveyed they rank their favorite trick or treat candy in this order: chocolates, suckers or lollipops, gummy and then gum. Chocolate wins by a big margin .In fact, more chocolate is sold at halloween than at valentine's day. Does that men men prefer ghosts and pumpkins to their lovers?

What candy gets no respect among both kids and adults are those fruit flavored non chocolate treats. I guess kids set their fruit candy aside when they get home from trick or treating. And what do kids do with their candy once they return home after treating? Thirty per cent say they sort it out. I saw Jane and her friends do that many times when they were small and trick or treated. After sorting they made elaborate trades to get rid of the "bad candy' and get the good stuff. Anything left over Dad (me) usually got. It was either that or let it sit on the floor where the trading usually took place. My motto was " Let no candy be floored!", a pathetic excuse for me to eat all that junk myself.

The second most common thing those kids do with their Halloween candy is to eat it.....usually until a parents tells them to stop or the kid begins to go into convulsions. And the last thing they do with if is to stash away their candy to protect it from other kids and family members like me. The odd thing though, with Jane at least, was that after Halloween day and a couple of days thereafter the remaining candy usually is hardly touched, must less eaten. Over the years, I threw out allot of 6 month old Halloween candy because of that.

If all that sugar and chocolate doesn't scare your arteries enough, how about spending next Halloween in some spooky named m but real U.S. cities. Here are some places with names suitable for Halloween.

Transylvania County, N.C. (population 33,090)
Tombstone, Ariz. (population 1,380)
Pumpkin Center, N.C. (population 2,222); and Pumpkin Bend, Ark. (population 276)
Cape Fear in New Hanover County, N.C. (population 18,388); and Cape Fear in Chatham County, N.C. (population 1,323).
Skull Creek, Neb. (population 271)

Don't forget to bring plenty of Halloween candy to help ward off the evil spirits if you ae ever in those towns

Trick Or Treat Observations

This Halloween I packed the trick or treat bags that I will give out Halloween night. Every year I buy little decorated paper trick or treat bags and put candy and some novelties inside so I can hand them out to the little ones on Halloween night. I have fun doing that. I've been passing out the treats that way for years, I think even before Jane was born. The trick or treat goodies that the kids in those bags makes them think they are getting something special or perhaps that they are just more candy (they are on both counts) since their treats are in special decorated Halloween bags.

I am too old to trick or treat, but if I did I would want one of those bags too. This year inside them is candy, little activity books, Halloween rubber bands and tattoos and Halloween decorated pencils. I also purchased a few of the larger Halloween treat bags and put extra stuff in those to give to the kids I think have the best costumes. Halloween trick or treating is wonderful for kids. I haven't forgotten my own days of doing it, my dad taking me around the neighborhood (he as excited as me) with my friends. He told me later when I was gown that he enjoyed it as much as we did, but I knew that even as a child. The Halloween gene my dad had was passed on to me, and that's why I overdo all Halloween activities. Nothing is more important to me than children, so why not make their holidays as fun as possible?

As to Trick or Treating and the "loot" that people give to the kids who come to their doors, there are several kinds of givers...and one class of non givers. First, there are the Scrooges of Halloween who turn off their porch lights to let kids know they are either not home to give them treats or just not willing too. I think most of the ones who have their front door porch lights off are home because often the people who really are out for the night have their houses decorated for Halloween, their porch lights on and also leave candy or other treats in big bowls with a sign that says - "Please take a few- Happy Halloween". I wish the world had more of those kinds of people and fewer of the type that turn off their lights and pretend not to be home Halloween night.

When trick or treating it's easy to see that the type and volume of candy given varies. From year to year, the kids actually remember which houses were stingy and which were generous. They will always make sure to return to the generous givers....sometimes more than one time Halloween night. I did the same when a child with one family in our neighborhood that used to pop popcorn and hand out hot bags of it to anyone who showed up to yell "trick or treat". It amazed me that they never ran out of popcorn because the whole world seemed to be at their door Halloween night.

Kids favor houses that have the best candy, best being defined at what small children most like. Full sized candy bars are always a hit, non candy or non sweet food (popcorn excluded) are not. Those fun sized bars make great handouts because you can give several different kinds of candy to each child. In this age of fear, no one would give out unwrapped, sealed treats because we all suspect that our kids would be poisoned if the candy was not wrapped and sealed. So I guess few people still pop popcorn, make cakes and cookies and other homemade treats as they did when I was a boy. It is a pity that the world is so cold and mistrusting, and that it has to be that way now. It's not a good lesson small children should learn on a fun holiday like Halloween.

Here are some trick or treat do's and don'ts I have learned over the years to make Halloween trick or treating more fun...just in case you ever give out Halloween candy on Halloween night

- Always give more than one or two pieces of candy to each kid. the more given, the more enthusiastic the children will be and the more good memories they will carry about Halloween into adulthood (when they will make it special for their own kids too).

- Compliment the kids on their costumes when they arrive, and engage them in conversation - spooky or not. Laugh and joke with them allot! And always tell them "Happy Halloween".

- Heap extra loads of candy on the nice, the polite, or the kids in the best costumes.

- It's good to dress like Dracula, a Mummy or whatever will be in the spirit of the holiday, and slowly open the door to give the little trick or treaters heart attacks with their treats. It's your reward for giving them all those treats.

- When the little one show up in their scary outfits pretend to be scared...gasp a little. If Cinderella arrives tell her she is Cinderella. Whatever the costume, pretend the wearing is who he or she is dressed to be.

- Decorate your door, porch and other trick or treat areas and always have a few pumpkins at the door, both the natural uncarved ones and the carved, and lighted ones.

- Anddddddddddddddddd, pray for no rain, or do a scare the rain away dance Halloween night. The real monster on trick or treat night is rain.

Happy trick or treating!