Thou Shalt Not Smell Thy Working Place

Something is smelly here! I just read that an employee of the Social Security Administration was formally reprimanded this month for excessive workplace flatulence, Yep, he farts too much. The SS sent the guy a five page letter announcing a sanction that included a log of representative dates and times when he was recorded “releasing the awful and unpleasant odor” in his Baltimore office. I wonder who had the job of recording his blasts.

They accused him of “conduct unbecoming a federal officer". And that he "had created an “intolerable” and “hostile” environment for coworkers, several of whom have lodged complaints with supervisors. Is passing gas a constitutional right or reason to punish the farter? The worker says he didn't mean to do it, but has a lactose intolerance problem that makes him constantly smell the work place. Regardless, the guy has a reprimand letter in his (smelly) file now, and those can be used to support firing a worker if another incident arises or if the employer just wants a "breath of fresh air" and figures removing a farter could achieve that.

Hmmmm Most government workers are expected to fart around all day at work on their computers, playing games and goofing off. I don't know what the big deal is about blasting a few while farting around at work.. Either they build that guy an airtight cubicle so he can fart his day away, or they might give him a disability pension to let him fart off at home with his wife. I just hope the airlines put him on the no fly list before he shows up in the seat next to me. It's bad enough I pollute the air with my diarrhea of the mouth. Putting him on the same flight with me would be cruel and unusual punishment for the other passengers.

Really, I think the government should probably reassign this guy to find a work position more suitable to his affliction. How about these five alternative spots?

- Send him to Congress. Congress smells so bad now they might not even notice his farting
- Let him interrogate, in a small and enclosed space, terrorist suspects.
- Give him his own reality TV show with Kim Kardashian as co star. Could be called 'Farting Paradise'.
- Declare him to be a weapon of ass destruction.
- Make him an instructor teaching women how to fart. No man has ever heard hear a woman fart.

To avoid making a further stink about this I will depart and wish you a flatulence free day.