Thanksgiving List Of This Year's Thanks....Sort Of

I like the concept of Thanksgiving Day because it almost forces people to reflect on their lives, to gather with family and friends and even....maybe....but not likely to happen...to ignore their cell phones for a few minutes. But what I don't like about it is the aspect of orally stating what one is thankful for. "For what are you most thankful this year," is the refrain. I roll my eyes and try to explain that is a question best asked and answered by the individual. Otherwise, it becomes a less than serious list of hackneyed thanks that we hear constantly during the Thanksgiving holidays.

So here I am today in reply to that dreaded question to give a more unconventional list of my thanks in hopes that after doing so I will never be asked the question again. There will be no "I am thankful for my health" or  "that my child is so much more perfect than I". Nothing so banal or maudlin. No, I have a more realistic list and...well...I'll just shut up and give it to you now. Here is my list of thinks I am thankful this year.

- My bowels still work fine and I am still happily retired from any meaningful labor
- The illusion of the sanctity of the Obama regime is worn off and he has been exposed as the scoundrel he is
- Those daily updates and reports on the Kardashian are diminishing
- No one caught me with my unzipped this year, I think
- Those hot 20 year old girls I leer at that used to slap me for doing so, now see me as an old man who is harmless enough for a smile back
- That I have learned to tune out, almost ignore all the phony, trendy "issues" that way too many people take way too seriously and without challenge. Those global warming, war against women, income inequality, gluten and the rest....I just give my stupid smile and change the subject to something more serious, like which Hollywood celebrity had the best boob transplant. Substance wins every time.
- That I am not married to Rosy O'Donnel. Yuk
- That I am still the last human holdout for a non cell phone life.
- No prostate exam this year!
- I'll probably be lucky enough to die before I have to change that light bulb on the 20 meter ceiling. But then, I always root for my bulbs to live longer than I
- That I love red meat and hate tofu
- That I have no nude pictures posted on the Internet and that my photo has yet to appear on the post office wall of 'Top Ten Wanted' criminals
- That I have celebrated my old age fat with a diet of donuts and all the other good stuff my doctor says is bad for me.
- That I am not longer young and stupid. Being old, stupid but experienced triumphs every time.

Oh, and before I go..thank you for being bored enough to read my list. Happy H Thanksgiving.