It happened In 2011

Since year 2011 has now begun, and since I am the all-knowing, all-powerful seer of the internet, it's you lucky day. I am going to tell you what happened in the first half of 2011 even before it happens. This should provide ample savings for you as you will no longer end to buy newspapers, news magazines and will save time reading web sites about the events of the day. Just keep this delusional....err..informative page for future reference.

January- My first prediction is wrong on the first day of the year (a painful, but necessary prediction here)... Obama makes a speech in which he declares all taxes dead that everything is free....the stock market crashes in response to the latest Obama nonsense...a cell phone user in Michigan is actually observed using his phone in a mannerly way, shocked observers are rushed to the ER in response....Kwanga and Pongal are celebrated and 99% of the world looks confused and mumbles, "What is that about"...

February- On Groundhog Day a groundhog emerges and sees a TV with a Reality TV show on. The groundhog turns and goes back into his hole and vows never to re emerge...On Valentine's Day a single man somewhere in Asia actually buys a gift that his sweetheart likes....Most of the rest of the male species sleeps on the couch Valentine's night... a fundamentalist Muslim terrorist doesn't blow up others or even himself'.....North Korea attacks South Korea, surrenders 1 minute later and negotiates a peace treaty to receive 1 billion dollars in South Korean reconstruction funds.

March- while going through airport security screening, Paris Hilton exclaims "That's Hot"! It's headline news the next day. ...While in New Orleans for Mardi Gras I bare my breasts for the celebration and realize they are bigger than Angelina Jolies'....On St. Patrick's Day an Irishman is found in Dublin who is confirmed as being sober....nuclear weapons are fired at Iran by Israel but no one notices because it's the same day as the 'American Idol' finals

April- On April Fool's Day the Obama administration does not promise more entitlements, but every one realizes it's just a joke....April 2nd, 'Good Friday' passes without notice because it just wasn't a good day.....Earth Day is recognized and Al Gore announces "It's Global Warming and we're all going to die"! Al's global warm stock portfolio triples in value....Mariah Carey sings a song without using that inane falsetto trill. Concert goers accuse the promoters of identity fraud.

May- In a shocking turn of events, one of my E mails actually makes sense.....Barack Obama celebrates the arrival of the 50th million Hispanic illegal immigrant by announcing , "They all just want to work"... Reporters discover that the 50th million illegal is a drug dealing gang member whose last job was machine gunning American border agents....Mother's and arrives and I am asked "Did you really have a mother?".....The Chinese government blocks it's own web sites because they are "a source of anti state propaganda" The rest of the world immediately subscribes to receive them.....

June- Justin Bieber reaches puberty.....World reaction is shocked and a nuclear holocaust follows and only those awful cell phones survive. Martians arrive to take possession of what is left of the earth but wisely decide it's not worth the effort.That's it! Hoping the beginning of your new year is better than the rest of year will be.