Rules For A Better Flight

I read an article about flying today. In it the "experts" pontificated (probably from their first class airplane seat, paid in full by their employer) on how we should best meet the demands and stresses of flying on an airplane these days. According to them we should do the following when we fly:

1) Drink plenty of water so we can hydrate-  They even say we should drink a quart of water for every four hours we are in the air. Hmmm In most of the airports I use the passenger must dispose of all water or any liquid when going through the torture chamber called "security". Thus, the option to buy a small bottle at the boarding gate means one must either refinance his mortgage by paying for the most inflated price item ever sold by a human, or wait until after boarding the plane, where futilely begging for a small cup of water is about the only option left.

2) Never take that sleeping pill once on the flight-  If you do and the flight is delayed, they say, you're knocked out by the time it's time to board the replacement flight. And they we are barely rouse ourselves s when it's time to de-plane. I have doubts about this also. There are times when the crying baby, or loud conversations or the miserable kids kicking my seat make me want to take an entire a bottle of pills. Heck! I may go for heroine to shut that out. I say the drowsy state the experts warn about are nothing compared to hours of dysfunctional human behaviors endured on board.

3) Do not drink alcohol on board- They recommend that passengers avoid alcohol altogether if they want to leave the plane feeling rested and refreshed. I don't drink alcohol any time, but I notice those passengers who consume a few of those $10 bottle of airplane wine seem to have more fun on board than I do.  Come to think of it, some of them are so rested they need to be carried off the plane. Their contented smiles don't seem so bad to me.

4) Pick the best seat as soon as possible- That's common sense, and also something many people don't do. I am one that wants an aisle seat, and I pick my seat as soon as I buy my ticket. However, with the airlines bumping passengers faster than Barrack Obama tells lies. I always seem to get the center seat on the rescheduled flight. We are in an age of airline supremacy. A seat selected is not exactly a seat assigned.

5) Bring the food you want to eat on the flight- I have been able to resist buying that overprices, junk food the airlines sell after sitting an extra 12 hours in an airport due to flight delays. But my soggy turkey on french isn't that appealing either. My solution is to fight off the hunger with meditation. You know, I meditate about stupid things like these flight comments. Sorry.

I hope you read these remarks carefully but are smart enough to ignore them. After all, we are all prisoners of the torture chamber the airlines call the aircraft vehicle and might be wiser to just suffer in silence.