July Is The Worst Month

July 4th was Independence Day in the United States. Therefore I will write about July today.  July is my least favorite month. I endure July, tolerate it and feel my head has been smacked by a heavyweight boxer when I meet with those people who love the hot sticky days of the month. I am not alone though. There is a term called the "July Effect" that describes how there is an increase by 10 % in medical mistakes because so many medical students begin their residence practice in July. In England the July effect is called 'The Killing Season'. I wonder if there is more to it than that. Nothing ever good happens in July.

My biggest gripe about July is the heat. Even here in temperate climate Portland July and August is often oppressively hot. I hate the heat. maybe I should lock myself in my house for the whole month. I would survive July and society would be safer and more sane at the same time. In my former home, New Orleans, July is so hot and oppressive that it is the off tourist season in one of the most popular tourist cities in the world. Local New Orleanians shut down and the city becomes a sort of boring mini Omaha, Nebraska or something. I that there is little to do in July there.

What I do in July is watch the calendar, smiling with each day crossed out, even elevating not so nice August to celebrity status. At least in August there is hope for the cool fronts that come in September. Those that like July say it is sun and vacation time. But July is also the month when it is most expensive to travel. And what mom in July doesn't pray for the end of summer to send her children back to prison (school)?

July is the worst month for jellyfish bites, lightning strikes, the worst month to buy or sell stock, when your mother in law visits (for the whole month), you have to celebrate Benito Mussolini's birthday, for blowing up oneself with fireworks while celebrating Independence Day (July 4th), supposedly yo act civilly with that cell phone because July is 'National Courtesy Cell phone Month'.  Those are just a few reason to hate July. July also is the month for these "celebrations" : National Fry an Egg on the Sidewalk Day, Yellow Pig Day,  National Flitch Day, Talk on an Elevator Day, World Hepatitis Day, Bioterrorism/Disaster Education & Awareness Month, National Horseradish Month, Hemochromatosis Screening Awareness Month, and National Wheelchair Beautification Month.

Are you excited about July? I think I''ll go take a nap now, hopefully lasting about a month.