Making Hollywood Celebrities Useful

I think I found something use for those brainless Hollywood celebrities to do. You know, instead of listening to their dubious philosophical or political thoughts, instead of hearing them tells us how lucky we are to have them, how about using them to enforce the law?  No, I don't mean giving them a badge, a gun and license to arrest.  I prefer the Matt Damon's and Whoppi Goldbrg's out there be used like they do in Wyoming, Minnesota.

Hmmm But this idea may be cruel and unusual punishment for us.  Doesn't the eighth amendment to the U.S. forbid cruel and unusual punishment? Ah, heck! Let that amendment go because celeb patrol would be better for us anyway. Here's how it would work. We follow the Justin Beiber model of Wyoming, Minnesota. It seems that  residents of Wyoming, Minnesota, were extra motivated to not drive drunk on Super Bowl Sunday. The penalty, they were told, would be that they would be forced to watch Justin Bieber’s T-Mobile advertisement. Oh, my. Subjecting an adult to watching Beiber is cruel and unusual.

But the Wyoming Police Department sent out a social media message telling warning people that if they drove while intoxicated, the punishment would be stiffer than their drinks. DUI arrested would be forced to chug Beiber commercials until they vomit, which would, I assume not take long. Can you believe, drunk driving in Wyoming was down as a result. It has me thinking of some other uses for those arrogant, talent less celebrities. How about....
* Samuel Jackson- The famed hater of all people white could be employed as an arbitrator for Ku Klux Klan disputes

* Kim Kardashian- Kim is a clean lady, well in the figurative sense. She spent $750,000 for four gold plated toilets in her luxury house in Bel Air. She also had a self flushing toilet installed for $100,000. Perhaps we could make Kim the woman who cleans those toilets in the subway.

* Katy Perry- She's got a good voice and great teeth. But she makes sure that she has pearly white teeth to show when she smiles. Inspired by the healthy set of Britney Spears, Perry always brings along several toothbrushes and brushes six times a day. I say let Katy scrub toilets with Kim.

* President Donald Trump- Maybe Trump should resign as all those crazy left wing liberals say he should. It's because he is a long time germaphobe who refuses to push buttons in the elevator, often demurs from shaking hands with others and sanitizes his hands several times each day.  I bet Trump would resign if we offered him the job of disinfecting those smelling left wing Democrats in Congress.

* Shia LaBeouf- He was spotted in February 2014 at the Berlin Film Festival with a paper bag over his face that had the words, “I AM NOT FAMOUS ANYMORE” written on it. Why not agree with him and forbid him from appearing in any more movies. If we do it can only improve the image of actors everywhere.

* Vanessa Hudgens- the actress posted a photo on Instagram of her own name and the name of her boyfriend, Austin Butler, carved into a rock in Sedona, Arizona. Hudgens was then cited for a misdemeanor count for damage to a natural feature on U.S. Forest Service land. Hudgens ended up paying $1,000 in restitution. How about a tree trimming job for Vanesssa?

* Ariana Grande- She was caught on a security camera licking doughnuts in a doughnut shop in California as well as saying she hates America. Grande later issued a statement that her words were "taken out of context." I suggest enrolling Grande in a finishing school that can socialize her. But then, what school would accept her?

* Lindsay Lohan. Uh, better just banish her to some remote island somewhere. I think she is unfit doing anything useful.