International Nose Picking Day

I'm so upset! I just found out I missed International Nose Picking Day. I didn't know there was a day when I could do that without social sanction.  Strangely, International Nose Picking Day falls on the same day each year as the anniversary of the death of the world's greatest English language writer, William Shakespeare. What could the connection be? It might be that because many historians believe that Shakespeare did not write much of what is attributed to him, he probably sits above in writers heaven and thumbs (not picks) his nose at those eggheads who doubt him.

The strange people who celebrate nose picking each year say that on that glorious Shakespearean style day we should do one or more nosey things. Of course, first we should pick our noses to our noses delight.  Polls show that 91% of humans who are asked if they do, declare they often pick their noses. Anyway, nose picking is the act of extracting dried nasal mucus and foreign bodies from the nose with our fingers (you use yours on your own nose and I'll use mine on mine...no sharing, Please!) Though this is a disgusting practice to observe in others it is a universally habitual one. The average person picks his or her nose at least 4 times each day. How many times have you picked yours today?

The other things that are recommended for nose picking day are to: tell your favorite nose picking stories in group sessions, to practice nose hair maintenance (mainly, to clip those unsightly nose hairs from public view), to host a nose party with games that give Kleenex tissues as prizes, and  to get a pair of those funny glasses with the big nose and wear them while in public. Thank God there is no recommendation to consume the contents of the nose pick. I don't even want to know if some chef is cooking a nose pick dish. And I don't know about you, but I sure hope no one sends me a "Happy Nose Picking Day" E card on International Nose Picking Day. That would be something to sneeze at.

This International Nose Picking Day things is too nasty and bizarre for me to continue writing. The good news for we who think nose picking should be kept a private act is that on February 28th, about two months before International Nose Picking Day, is International Don't Pick Your Nose Day. It's a good idea, but how much fun can that be? Anyway, may all our nose picks this year be fulfilling ones.