Santa Clause Letters

I'm beginning to look allot like Santa now, not by force of will but rather by nature. But I guess getting old is not as bad if we turn into a Santa. So today I will play Santa reading his mail. There is so much of it and some from celebrities who want something. Sigh..but only little boys and girls are unselfish enough to ask for things that serve all mankind well. The rest of them are out for the big buck items. Here are a few of the letters Santa has gotten this Christmas season as well as Santa's replies.Dear Santa,I am 13 years old now and the typical teen boy. What I want for Christmas is to be 20 years old, anything but a teen. I treat my parents like servants and rarely speak to them, lust for anything in a skirt, and have pimples and acne the size of China. Help meeeeeeeeeeee.Tommy.Dear Tommy,I'll see if I can find your parents servant outfits, put Lindsay Lohan under your Xmas tree and leave a giant size acne cream in your stocking. Good luck on making it to 20. You'll need it. what a pathetic creature you are. H Ho Ho=====================================================================Dear Santa,Those blonde Barbie girls you sent me this year have given me a pain and threatened my career and marriage. My wife chased me out of the house with a golf club and beat me with it when I tried to escape in the car. It seems she tapped my cell phone and found some of the messages I left to my babes. Can you take back all those Barbies and make people forget what happened?Your golfing pal,Tiger WoodsDear Tiger,Forget it. Just keep your pants on this year and listen to the new CD I am leaving under your Xmas tree..."I Saw Mommy Kissing Tiger Woods".============================================================================Dear Santa,Last year you made me God, and I appreciate it. They voted me the first black President, and because I am a minority everyone is afraid to criticize my many errors as president. Thanks Santa. But this Christmas I want substance to go with my style. Eventually, the voters will expect me to fulfill some of the promises I made and haven't kept. There patience is beginning to wear thin and that Nobel Peace prize you arranged for me is a joke, given I have done nothing to merit it. Please, Santa, make me earn some of the praise I get this year. Perhaps an adviser might help. Do you have an available elf who knows politics and can help?Barrack ObamaDear Barrack,Forget it! I am not sending any of my innocent elves to any politician. However, Sarah Palin is available if you would like her under your tree.===================================================================================Dear Santa,I'll get right to the point! I need plenty of heat. This past 18 months have been rather cool and it's not fitting my phony agenda to shiver this way. Hurry, Santa! My reputation depends on it.Al GoreDear Al,You whined so much about making it seem that Global Warming was happening the past few years I made the climate temporarily warmer so you could claim the earth was getting hotter. Now you want me to cool it because more and more realize that Global Warming is a crock. Sigh.... Can't you make up your mind? Ok, I am going to keep cooling the earth (I like the snow more anyway) so you can pretend the next ice age is coming...by the way, Al, when are you going to get a real job?Globally Cooled Santa