There is an interesting controversy involving literature and censorship involving publisher NewSouth Books in Alabama and a Mark Twain scholar named Alan Gribben. It's political correctness perhaps gone wild. You can judge it yourself as to whether it is correct action or just a politically correct one. NewSouth Books announced it will publish the combined works of the 'Adventures of Huckleberry Finn' and 'Tom Sawyer" without the disparaging racial word, "nigger" replacing it with "slave" in an effort not to offend readers. Yep! They are rewriting Mark Twain's novels to fit the sensibilities of today.
The word 'nigger' (commonly used and accepted at the time Twain wrote the book) appears 219 times in Huck Finn and four times in Tom Sawyer. Most English teachers and have defended it as a realistic portrayal of the language at the time and not as a current commentary on a race of people. Yet Gribben is uncomfortable with it and says that "I want to provide an option for teachers and other people not comfortable with 219 instances of that word."
The question begs answering. Should literature be rewritten to fit contemporary standards or should it be left as written for the reader to absorb and evaluate? I choose the former position and feel it is more offensive to censor and edit an author's works than to leave the writing as written, even if some are offended by it. This move to edit history without an uproar from the academic community (very few academic types are opposing the re written version for fear of being branded "racists") is the type of thing that makes it so difficult hold a profession in general respect. I guess those in favor of the changes will also advocate censoring the bible. It is far more offensive than Twain ever was in it's use language and by any definition would not be considered to be politically correct.
And this censorship is not for "children" ( though I think works of literature should ever be censored). Gribben intends his version to be for all. Even in the case of children who read Twain, the censorship is hard to justify. Any child old enough to read Twain will already have been exposed to "niggger" countless times in medium, personal conversation and more. If troubled by the references, the child could be given a simple explanation about context use would clarify why the word appears, and if taught to students any competent literature teacher will broach the subject.
So is this useful classical revision or classic political correctness gone wrong?
Monday, January 10, 2011
No Universality
Who's in control in the world today? Who or what is the dominate force in our lives? I am trying to figure that one out and continuing to conclude the answer is "Nobody". Humans are drifting through their days today as the lack of a uniform code of behavior, standard of belief and cultural transmission is making us all isolated individuals. I think the transportation and communication technologies are the ocean wave we ride today, and that is probably not a good thing. They often steer us away from deeper behavior and toward the shallow.
It used to be that we had expected behaviors wherever we lived. Each nation's culture differed from the others and people identified closely with their own so there was a common cultural expectation. No more. Cultural mixing and contamination has produced an "anything goes" mentality today. For example, a person in China may have more in common with one in England than he or she does with most of the other people in China. It's because we have little to identify with today. There is no commonality apart from our technology and the surface cultural manifestations we see in films, books, material good etc. This is not helpful in forming bonds with humans and for establishing a fixed and stable personal identity.
I think this dissolution of identify began in the 60's and has been fast tracked today with more and more technology that people are embracing as they trade human contact for their cell phones, blue rays, computers and the rest of the addictions with which we now feel a closer bond. I wonder how this affects our sense of the quality of our lives. Many probably think they have a higher quality of life today, given their material possessions, but perhaps they are so blinded by those material things that they fail to realize the offerings of human contact and cultural transfer may be more meaningful and fulfilling to them.
We used to call the state of our current condition "cultural relativism" because only the things we want to be important is what is important to us. The rest, the common inks, are rejected. It is a negative state of being because it casts one outside of the mainstream culture. Today I have trouble even identifying a mainstream culture anywhere in the world apart from the most simple nations. And those are fighting (as in the reactionary islamic reaction to the "infidel world") to become what most of the world has become.
I think the lack of a universal guideline and replacement of it with endless other paths that lead to no common ground is an incorrect approach. Humans are not capable of picking and choosing what is best for themselves without a common standard from which to choose. They need a collective mentality to guide them. Once they have that, they can express their individualism within the context of the common culture. It's no wonder, for example, mindless Reality TV and cell phone addiction are the magnets for so many today. There is so little universality with which to identify, the most idiotic magnets seem the simplest and most attractive to us.
It used to be that we had expected behaviors wherever we lived. Each nation's culture differed from the others and people identified closely with their own so there was a common cultural expectation. No more. Cultural mixing and contamination has produced an "anything goes" mentality today. For example, a person in China may have more in common with one in England than he or she does with most of the other people in China. It's because we have little to identify with today. There is no commonality apart from our technology and the surface cultural manifestations we see in films, books, material good etc. This is not helpful in forming bonds with humans and for establishing a fixed and stable personal identity.
I think this dissolution of identify began in the 60's and has been fast tracked today with more and more technology that people are embracing as they trade human contact for their cell phones, blue rays, computers and the rest of the addictions with which we now feel a closer bond. I wonder how this affects our sense of the quality of our lives. Many probably think they have a higher quality of life today, given their material possessions, but perhaps they are so blinded by those material things that they fail to realize the offerings of human contact and cultural transfer may be more meaningful and fulfilling to them.
We used to call the state of our current condition "cultural relativism" because only the things we want to be important is what is important to us. The rest, the common inks, are rejected. It is a negative state of being because it casts one outside of the mainstream culture. Today I have trouble even identifying a mainstream culture anywhere in the world apart from the most simple nations. And those are fighting (as in the reactionary islamic reaction to the "infidel world") to become what most of the world has become.
I think the lack of a universal guideline and replacement of it with endless other paths that lead to no common ground is an incorrect approach. Humans are not capable of picking and choosing what is best for themselves without a common standard from which to choose. They need a collective mentality to guide them. Once they have that, they can express their individualism within the context of the common culture. It's no wonder, for example, mindless Reality TV and cell phone addiction are the magnets for so many today. There is so little universality with which to identify, the most idiotic magnets seem the simplest and most attractive to us.
They Banned, What?
Can you guess where this directive came from and what it's about? "Printing and producing any goods related to this day including posters, boxes and cards emblazoned with hearts or halfhearted, red roses and any activities promoting this day are banned," The directive said that "Outlets that violate this will be legally dealt with."
If you lived in the thug-ish religious dictatorship we call Iran, you would. It's the official announcement of a ban on Valentine's Day in Iran. Haha I thought Cuba was harsh when it banned Christmas one year because the sugar cane needed people in the fields gathering it more than they sitting on Santa's lap. Banning Santa Claus in Cuba was bad. Banning love is...well typical of those weird fundamentalist dictators in what was once the enlightened Persia that brought so many cultural and intellectual firsts to the world.
We should have seen this coming, because this is also the country that shaved off the lips of women who dared to wear lipstick and several years ago and even banned music for a time. Music! My goodness.... love, ,lipstick. After banning daytime sex it was only a matter of time that the mullahs would target Valentine's Day. So no Valentine's gifts for Iranian ladies this year. What other normal activity could be banned next? I am guessing it won't be a ban on the nuclear weapons that the Iranians are producing to "spread Islamic love" to us all.
The last man to ditch his Calvin Klein Jeans or sneak an ipod into the mosque is probably the an enemy of God in Iran. Organized religions can be intrusive controlling, violent, irrational......(Ok, enough religion bashing but I have more descriptive adjectives in my semi religious head if you need to read them) But the Iranians are trying for first place in the weird religious practices category.
However, this might be a good trend for we non fanatics if the crazy Muslim dictatorships and terrorists concentrate on banning love as opposed to spreading hate and violence to those who disagree with their view. Perhaps they will stop blowing up innocent "infidels" and murdering dissenting Muslims and instead start a less lethal "ban love" campaign. I think any repression they undertake, even that kind, will satiate their maniacal urge to control others. No more 'Hug you Iman'. Instead it's gonna be 'Slug your Iman if he hugs or loves'.
But there is fun in Islam land too. This holiday season they enjoyed their chestnuts roasting on an open car fire, jihad swiftly snipping off a nose. . . tiny tots with toy guns all aglow. Yes, a good fanatic Iranian Islamic knows how to have fun with his six wives (and at least one is probably 6 years old). At least Child Rape Day hasn't been canceled in Iran.
If you lived in the thug-ish religious dictatorship we call Iran, you would. It's the official announcement of a ban on Valentine's Day in Iran. Haha I thought Cuba was harsh when it banned Christmas one year because the sugar cane needed people in the fields gathering it more than they sitting on Santa's lap. Banning Santa Claus in Cuba was bad. Banning love is...well typical of those weird fundamentalist dictators in what was once the enlightened Persia that brought so many cultural and intellectual firsts to the world.
We should have seen this coming, because this is also the country that shaved off the lips of women who dared to wear lipstick and several years ago and even banned music for a time. Music! My goodness.... love, ,lipstick. After banning daytime sex it was only a matter of time that the mullahs would target Valentine's Day. So no Valentine's gifts for Iranian ladies this year. What other normal activity could be banned next? I am guessing it won't be a ban on the nuclear weapons that the Iranians are producing to "spread Islamic love" to us all.
The last man to ditch his Calvin Klein Jeans or sneak an ipod into the mosque is probably the an enemy of God in Iran. Organized religions can be intrusive controlling, violent, irrational......(Ok, enough religion bashing but I have more descriptive adjectives in my semi religious head if you need to read them) But the Iranians are trying for first place in the weird religious practices category.
However, this might be a good trend for we non fanatics if the crazy Muslim dictatorships and terrorists concentrate on banning love as opposed to spreading hate and violence to those who disagree with their view. Perhaps they will stop blowing up innocent "infidels" and murdering dissenting Muslims and instead start a less lethal "ban love" campaign. I think any repression they undertake, even that kind, will satiate their maniacal urge to control others. No more 'Hug you Iman'. Instead it's gonna be 'Slug your Iman if he hugs or loves'.
But there is fun in Islam land too. This holiday season they enjoyed their chestnuts roasting on an open car fire, jihad swiftly snipping off a nose. . . tiny tots with toy guns all aglow. Yes, a good fanatic Iranian Islamic knows how to have fun with his six wives (and at least one is probably 6 years old). At least Child Rape Day hasn't been canceled in Iran.
After Christmas Sale Merchandise
At what point do the after Christmas sales of "Christmas items" stop? It's hard to tell. I'm referring to things like Christmas candy (or better said, candy wrapped with Christmas decor), house decorations, that Santa with a clock in his stomach or the singing Christmas Chipmunk. There's plenty more, but you get the idea. After Christmas is over there isn't much of a market for that "stuff".
Many people wait until the after Christmas sale to buy their Christmas merchandise. The organized consumer faithfully buy its, pack it and opened and use it next Christmas. But most of us forget where it is and never find it for next Christmas. Maybe that's why I have 3 new Christmas tree stands in my attic I bought at 75% off during those sales.
Most of the after Christmas merchandise sales start at 50% off the day after Christmas. If you want the good "stuff" you have to accept a 50% reduction, but if you wait long enough you can get that Santa with the clock in his stomach for 75% off or if the store realizes no one is stupid enough to buy it, eventually at 90%. By the time prices fall to 90% off the selection is shabby and strewn all about the aisle. Odds are though, someone will buy it. In fact, there is no specific closing date to end those sales. Some last all the way through January.
It's only a guess, but I think whatever remains on the shelf after the 90% off sale has run it's course and the Valentine's Day merchandise (at full price) takes over the shelf space, the unsold Christmas merchandise is probably destroyed and written off on taxes the store is to pay. But some stores never discount remaining Christmas items. The Dollar store and Big lots, for example, never have those sales. In the case of the dollar store the one dollar asking price is already low enough to motivate the store to box and package the merchandise that is left over for next Christmas.
I bet if you look at your Christmas decorations you'll be reminded of things you bought after Christmas. In truth most of the decorations I bought (as opposed to what I inherited from my mother) was purchased at a big discount after Christmas. This includes Christmas cards. Christmas cards sit on the shelf largely unsold before the holiday, by after Christmas ends and they go on sale, it's like feeding time at the zoo. They quickly disappear. I think many of them are with me, because I have enough boxes of Christmas cards to send for the next 8 Christmas days. But that may be fewer than the extra Christmas string lights I bought after Christmas. Lights are another big seller after the fact.
Wrapping paper also sells well at after Christmas sales. But I never buy that I already have two huge Christmas wrapping boxes stored with it. Experienced after Christmas day shoppers don't pay much attention to wrapping and cards. They are well overstocked already and want more unusual or specialized items. Often they like the once expensive but now greatly reduced Christmas linen tablecloths or towels. For them, buying the Santa with the clock in his stomach would be unheard of.
Oh, am I taking you away from the after Christmas sales with my rambling monologue? You better hurry to the stores before they sell the last Singing Elvis Santa doll....
Many people wait until the after Christmas sale to buy their Christmas merchandise. The organized consumer faithfully buy its, pack it and opened and use it next Christmas. But most of us forget where it is and never find it for next Christmas. Maybe that's why I have 3 new Christmas tree stands in my attic I bought at 75% off during those sales.
Most of the after Christmas merchandise sales start at 50% off the day after Christmas. If you want the good "stuff" you have to accept a 50% reduction, but if you wait long enough you can get that Santa with the clock in his stomach for 75% off or if the store realizes no one is stupid enough to buy it, eventually at 90%. By the time prices fall to 90% off the selection is shabby and strewn all about the aisle. Odds are though, someone will buy it. In fact, there is no specific closing date to end those sales. Some last all the way through January.
It's only a guess, but I think whatever remains on the shelf after the 90% off sale has run it's course and the Valentine's Day merchandise (at full price) takes over the shelf space, the unsold Christmas merchandise is probably destroyed and written off on taxes the store is to pay. But some stores never discount remaining Christmas items. The Dollar store and Big lots, for example, never have those sales. In the case of the dollar store the one dollar asking price is already low enough to motivate the store to box and package the merchandise that is left over for next Christmas.
I bet if you look at your Christmas decorations you'll be reminded of things you bought after Christmas. In truth most of the decorations I bought (as opposed to what I inherited from my mother) was purchased at a big discount after Christmas. This includes Christmas cards. Christmas cards sit on the shelf largely unsold before the holiday, by after Christmas ends and they go on sale, it's like feeding time at the zoo. They quickly disappear. I think many of them are with me, because I have enough boxes of Christmas cards to send for the next 8 Christmas days. But that may be fewer than the extra Christmas string lights I bought after Christmas. Lights are another big seller after the fact.
Wrapping paper also sells well at after Christmas sales. But I never buy that I already have two huge Christmas wrapping boxes stored with it. Experienced after Christmas day shoppers don't pay much attention to wrapping and cards. They are well overstocked already and want more unusual or specialized items. Often they like the once expensive but now greatly reduced Christmas linen tablecloths or towels. For them, buying the Santa with the clock in his stomach would be unheard of.
Oh, am I taking you away from the after Christmas sales with my rambling monologue? You better hurry to the stores before they sell the last Singing Elvis Santa doll....
Heroes
When I observe the media today, more and more I see that it has changed the meaning of the word hero. It's probably because the media can make "heroes" of anyone, for any reason, at any time, even when the person anointed in no way displays heroic characteristics. In fact, what the media thinks you and I will find amusing or interesting it what it defines as "heroic". And sadly most people who read or watch the story of the hero that is created from non heroic substance believe it is so.
An example of this is the airplane incident involving an aircraft that crashed in the Hudson River, off Manhattan, in 2009, due to birds getting into and disabling the craft's engine. The pilot, Captain Sullivan, forced the plane down into the Hudson River in fear it would crash on land killing those aboard. It was a nice landing and what he and every other pilot is trained to do. It should have been the expectation. Yet the media and the public branded captain Sullivan as a "hero". To this day he receives adulation and status as that of the Greek Gods did....for simply doing his job.
In modern times, unlike the hero of classical mythology, the hero is often simply an ordinary person in extraordinary circumstances, who, despite the odds being stacked against him or her, typically prevails in the end. Nothing beyond what is expected is required. It is such a loose definition that according to it, most of us are also "heroes". But what Sullivan did was his job, as trained, nothing more or less than that.
I roll my eyes when I hear that anyone in the military who has been in Afghanistan or Iraq is a "hero". But that's what we get from both the media and in public discourse. "Support our heroes in the military" reads the bumper sticker. No doubt there are heroes among the military, those who go above and beyond reasonable risk and sacrifice and show courage in resolve in their action. But that is a minuscule fraction of soldiers. To describe anyone in the military as a hero is a slap in the face of the truly heroic soldier.
Athletes are not heroes because they score goals that decide a games outcome (they are highly paid entertainers). People with afflictions such as birth defects who overcome them to live a more normal life are not heroes (they are victims who adapt). Firemen who put out fires that put them in jeopardy are not heroes (they are, as Captain Sullivan, merely doing their job as trained and are highly compensated monetarily for doing it).
Heroes are those who go above and beyond what is expected at great risk and without expectation of compensation for their action. I think the reason we have so many alleged "heroes", most of which have been created by the power of the expansive mediums today, is because we want to create heroes in order to give some moral compass in the increasingly selfish era in which we live. It would be healthier if we tried to recognize real heroes engage in heroic activity or did so ourselves when presented with an opportunity for heroism, as opposed to creating false heroes to worship.
False heroes create false impressions and confuse us as to what the truly heroic is. A hero need not be famous or glamorous. In fact, most heroes go un noticed by the public. And that's the way it should be most of the time.
An example of this is the airplane incident involving an aircraft that crashed in the Hudson River, off Manhattan, in 2009, due to birds getting into and disabling the craft's engine. The pilot, Captain Sullivan, forced the plane down into the Hudson River in fear it would crash on land killing those aboard. It was a nice landing and what he and every other pilot is trained to do. It should have been the expectation. Yet the media and the public branded captain Sullivan as a "hero". To this day he receives adulation and status as that of the Greek Gods did....for simply doing his job.
In modern times, unlike the hero of classical mythology, the hero is often simply an ordinary person in extraordinary circumstances, who, despite the odds being stacked against him or her, typically prevails in the end. Nothing beyond what is expected is required. It is such a loose definition that according to it, most of us are also "heroes". But what Sullivan did was his job, as trained, nothing more or less than that.
I roll my eyes when I hear that anyone in the military who has been in Afghanistan or Iraq is a "hero". But that's what we get from both the media and in public discourse. "Support our heroes in the military" reads the bumper sticker. No doubt there are heroes among the military, those who go above and beyond reasonable risk and sacrifice and show courage in resolve in their action. But that is a minuscule fraction of soldiers. To describe anyone in the military as a hero is a slap in the face of the truly heroic soldier.
Athletes are not heroes because they score goals that decide a games outcome (they are highly paid entertainers). People with afflictions such as birth defects who overcome them to live a more normal life are not heroes (they are victims who adapt). Firemen who put out fires that put them in jeopardy are not heroes (they are, as Captain Sullivan, merely doing their job as trained and are highly compensated monetarily for doing it).
Heroes are those who go above and beyond what is expected at great risk and without expectation of compensation for their action. I think the reason we have so many alleged "heroes", most of which have been created by the power of the expansive mediums today, is because we want to create heroes in order to give some moral compass in the increasingly selfish era in which we live. It would be healthier if we tried to recognize real heroes engage in heroic activity or did so ourselves when presented with an opportunity for heroism, as opposed to creating false heroes to worship.
False heroes create false impressions and confuse us as to what the truly heroic is. A hero need not be famous or glamorous. In fact, most heroes go un noticed by the public. And that's the way it should be most of the time.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Baby Boomer Changes
The Baby Boomer generation (those born from 1946- 1964) got notably older on Jan 1st because on that day the oldest members of the baby boom generation turned 65 years of age. According to the Pew Research Center, for the next 19 years, about 10,000 people become Baby Boomers every single day. Right now there are 79 million baby boomers, about 26 percent of the U.S. population. It's an unprecedented domination of society by a single defined generation. Of course I have some stupid comments to make about the boomers. It seems they have changed quite a bit from the days of 1960's drugs, sex and other excess. They have become the sedate boomers, living like and embracing the same calm culture of elderly generations have in the past.Here are some changes I see in the Baby Boomers, from then to now.
THEN Now
marijuana laced brownies fiber cereal
"never trust anyone over 30" "the current generation of kids is no good"
no need for deodorant or make-up Botox injections, dyed hair color to hide gray
sexy leggings support hosiery
late night bar hopping early bird specials at the diner
sandals one pair of gray Velcro shoes to match anything
tight jeans expandable able waistband pants
illegal drugs antioxidants, vitamin supplements and laxatives
The Beetles The Beatles (well, some things never change)
anti materialism vacation condos
money is evil tax shelters for their wealth
liberalism rules! the Tea Party and conservatism rules
"Hell no, we won't go" to war) "Hell! I wish I could have a bowel movement."
'Love-ins' Viagra prescriptions
too young and irresponsible to drive a car too old and feeble to see well and drive
protest marches walkers and canes
loud music hearing aids
backpacking luxury cruises
reading political manifestoes watching reality TV and playing Soduko
THEN Now
marijuana laced brownies fiber cereal
"never trust anyone over 30" "the current generation of kids is no good"
no need for deodorant or make-up Botox injections, dyed hair color to hide gray
sexy leggings support hosiery
late night bar hopping early bird specials at the diner
sandals one pair of gray Velcro shoes to match anything
tight jeans expandable able waistband pants
illegal drugs antioxidants, vitamin supplements and laxatives
The Beetles The Beatles (well, some things never change)
anti materialism vacation condos
money is evil tax shelters for their wealth
liberalism rules! the Tea Party and conservatism rules
"Hell no, we won't go" to war) "Hell! I wish I could have a bowel movement."
'Love-ins' Viagra prescriptions
too young and irresponsible to drive a car too old and feeble to see well and drive
protest marches walkers and canes
loud music hearing aids
backpacking luxury cruises
reading political manifestoes watching reality TV and playing Soduko
It happened In 2011
Since year 2011 has now begun, and since I am the all-knowing, all-powerful seer of the internet, it's you lucky day. I am going to tell you what happened in the first half of 2011 even before it happens. This should provide ample savings for you as you will no longer end to buy newspapers, news magazines and will save time reading web sites about the events of the day. Just keep this delusional....err..informative page for future reference.
January- My first prediction is wrong on the first day of the year (a painful, but necessary prediction here)... Obama makes a speech in which he declares all taxes dead that everything is free....the stock market crashes in response to the latest Obama nonsense...a cell phone user in Michigan is actually observed using his phone in a mannerly way, shocked observers are rushed to the ER in response....Kwanga and Pongal are celebrated and 99% of the world looks confused and mumbles, "What is that about"...
February- On Groundhog Day a groundhog emerges and sees a TV with a Reality TV show on. The groundhog turns and goes back into his hole and vows never to re emerge...On Valentine's Day a single man somewhere in Asia actually buys a gift that his sweetheart likes....Most of the rest of the male species sleeps on the couch Valentine's night... a fundamentalist Muslim terrorist doesn't blow up others or even himself'.....North Korea attacks South Korea, surrenders 1 minute later and negotiates a peace treaty to receive 1 billion dollars in South Korean reconstruction funds.
March- while going through airport security screening, Paris Hilton exclaims "That's Hot"! It's headline news the next day. ...While in New Orleans for Mardi Gras I bare my breasts for the celebration and realize they are bigger than Angelina Jolies'....On St. Patrick's Day an Irishman is found in Dublin who is confirmed as being sober....nuclear weapons are fired at Iran by Israel but no one notices because it's the same day as the 'American Idol' finals
April- On April Fool's Day the Obama administration does not promise more entitlements, but every one realizes it's just a joke....April 2nd, 'Good Friday' passes without notice because it just wasn't a good day.....Earth Day is recognized and Al Gore announces "It's Global Warming and we're all going to die"! Al's global warm stock portfolio triples in value....Mariah Carey sings a song without using that inane falsetto trill. Concert goers accuse the promoters of identity fraud.
May- In a shocking turn of events, one of my E mails actually makes sense.....Barack Obama celebrates the arrival of the 50th million Hispanic illegal immigrant by announcing , "They all just want to work"... Reporters discover that the 50th million illegal is a drug dealing gang member whose last job was machine gunning American border agents....Mother's and arrives and I am asked "Did you really have a mother?".....The Chinese government blocks it's own web sites because they are "a source of anti state propaganda" The rest of the world immediately subscribes to receive them.....
June- Justin Bieber reaches puberty.....World reaction is shocked and a nuclear holocaust follows and only those awful cell phones survive. Martians arrive to take possession of what is left of the earth but wisely decide it's not worth the effort.That's it! Hoping the beginning of your new year is better than the rest of year will be.
January- My first prediction is wrong on the first day of the year (a painful, but necessary prediction here)... Obama makes a speech in which he declares all taxes dead that everything is free....the stock market crashes in response to the latest Obama nonsense...a cell phone user in Michigan is actually observed using his phone in a mannerly way, shocked observers are rushed to the ER in response....Kwanga and Pongal are celebrated and 99% of the world looks confused and mumbles, "What is that about"...
February- On Groundhog Day a groundhog emerges and sees a TV with a Reality TV show on. The groundhog turns and goes back into his hole and vows never to re emerge...On Valentine's Day a single man somewhere in Asia actually buys a gift that his sweetheart likes....Most of the rest of the male species sleeps on the couch Valentine's night... a fundamentalist Muslim terrorist doesn't blow up others or even himself'.....North Korea attacks South Korea, surrenders 1 minute later and negotiates a peace treaty to receive 1 billion dollars in South Korean reconstruction funds.
March- while going through airport security screening, Paris Hilton exclaims "That's Hot"! It's headline news the next day. ...While in New Orleans for Mardi Gras I bare my breasts for the celebration and realize they are bigger than Angelina Jolies'....On St. Patrick's Day an Irishman is found in Dublin who is confirmed as being sober....nuclear weapons are fired at Iran by Israel but no one notices because it's the same day as the 'American Idol' finals
April- On April Fool's Day the Obama administration does not promise more entitlements, but every one realizes it's just a joke....April 2nd, 'Good Friday' passes without notice because it just wasn't a good day.....Earth Day is recognized and Al Gore announces "It's Global Warming and we're all going to die"! Al's global warm stock portfolio triples in value....Mariah Carey sings a song without using that inane falsetto trill. Concert goers accuse the promoters of identity fraud.
May- In a shocking turn of events, one of my E mails actually makes sense.....Barack Obama celebrates the arrival of the 50th million Hispanic illegal immigrant by announcing , "They all just want to work"... Reporters discover that the 50th million illegal is a drug dealing gang member whose last job was machine gunning American border agents....Mother's and arrives and I am asked "Did you really have a mother?".....The Chinese government blocks it's own web sites because they are "a source of anti state propaganda" The rest of the world immediately subscribes to receive them.....
June- Justin Bieber reaches puberty.....World reaction is shocked and a nuclear holocaust follows and only those awful cell phones survive. Martians arrive to take possession of what is left of the earth but wisely decide it's not worth the effort.That's it! Hoping the beginning of your new year is better than the rest of year will be.
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