Worst Christmas Traditions

First let me write it clearly. I absolutely love the Christmas holiday and traditions with it.  But there are a few Christmas traditions I just don't get or want to get.  For example, the Catholic tradition of attending a Christmas Eve midnight mass. Are the Catholics kidding? Who wants to attend a church service at midnight the night before Christmas morning when kids are loudly awake at  am screaming, "when are we going to open the presents".  I wouldn't even attend a midnight strip show featuring every woman entered into the Miss Universe contest. It's too late at night.

Another one I dislike is the Christmas family newsletter that is stuffed inside the Christmas card the family sends out. Ugh! Christmas cars are great because for their brevity. They simply say "I like and remember you". It's enough. But sending out the year-end wrap-up, the summation of twelve months of familial accomplishment; the list of achievements of children and grandchildren far and wide is overkill. More often than not it is a bragging session in which mom regales us with all the wonderful accomplishment of her kids. No thanks to that.

How about those charity solicitors we meet and greet in malls and many other public facilities. I do give to charity during the year, but to harass me in public at Christmas time is too much to take. There's no secret to the timing either. Those organizations that raise money for any kind of charity, religious group, foundation, etc., choose Christmas time because it makes us feel guilty if we don't toss our money into a kettle manned by Santa or some other costumed Christmas based celebrity.  People feel moved at the holidays to dig deep and give over and over. If any of those Christmas solicitors come to my door and interrupt my sleep or dinner I feel justified in shooting them on my doorstep and stealing all the money they have collected from other victims of their begging.

I think most of us would agree that a terrible Christmas tradition is the marketing craze at this time of the year. Sellers associate everything with the holidays. But it can be a stretch. That TV add showing Santa using the hemorrhoid cream the sponsor is trying to sell.....it's' too much. A certain amount of commercialism is bound to happen during the biggest holiday of the year. Some businesses survive because of their Christmas sales. But they are overdoing the ads and  alleged sales.  We should throw our fruitcakes at them if they interrupt us with another advertisement.

And the mistletoe tradition has to go.  In today's culture this poisonous, if picturesque, little plant is an invitation to your creepy uncle or that neighborhood sex offender leaning in the dining room doorway and slobbering all over you. Anyone ever go to an office party and experience  the sleazy loser at the who slips in a little tongue in your mouth to make your holidays brighter? Mistletoe has outlived it's usefulness.  But for those who feel a need for it, I suggest they forget the plant and just visit their local massage parlor instead.

They are upsetting my Christmas with those lousy traditions! I think I better stop ranting and have a Christmas cookie now. Merry Christmas!